The Asher Update

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August 31, 2005

Devastation in the wake of Katrina, august 31, 11:55 AM

i met a woman in the hotel yesterday morning from new orleans. she made it out with her 5 children. her oldest is a college student and she had called him numerous times and left messages that she was leaving with his 4 brothers. finally, not able to wait any longer for him, she got her other kids in her car and left. after driving only a short distance she looked in her rear view mirror and to her amazement the young man driving the car directly behind her was her son that she had been trying to reach for hours.

i saw her again this morning and she said that many of the students that had to stay in new orleans at the small college her son was attending were all told to go to the third floor of the dormatory and to stay there during the hurricane. she expressed great concern for all of these students since there has been no word about them since the storm hit.

all of our hearts are hurting over, not only, the initial devastation that occurred as a result of katrina, but the continuing devastation that will be ongoing for who knows how long. i know that the govenor of louisiana has called for a day of prayer, today, for what has happened, may the lord increase our burden to extend our prayers to days and months and even years if called for. given the extent of the damage, i can't help but believe that the suffering will last, at least, that long.

it has been a little over a week, now, since i have written an update about asher. many times i have wanted to sit down to write, but just found myself too fatigued. that is not meant as an excuse, just a reality. there are many good things to report, concerning asher's progress, but i will save them for the next update. the gravity of what is occurring in louisiana and mississippi is just too overwhelming. there are just too many untold numbers who are hanging by a thread who, in the same way that asher was when he was first injured, really need our concerted prayers right now. all that is on my heart is for all of us to devote our prayers to them.

blessings and thanksgiving to and for you all,

andy mendonsa

"it will all be ok in the end. if it is not ok, then it is not the end."

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August 23, 2005

Special Visitor, August 23, 10 AM

asher had a very special visitor on saturday, Henry, his bassett hound. he had been asking for us to bring henry to see him for weeks, now, and thanks to a dear angel named debbie ginn, the desire of asher's heart became a reality. we actually got henry from debbie, who is one of many wonderful souls in the chattanooga area who rescues dogs and finds them homes, over a year ago.

debbie brought henry to the hospital early saturday afternoon and he got to stay there all afternoon with asher. henry being there did wonders for asher, but also brought him some initial frustrations. we sat henry in asher's lap while he was sitting in his wheel chair so that we could help him pet henry. asher's frustrations stemmed from the fact that he was not able to pet henry on his own. we, basically, had to lift his arm and brush his fingers across henry's fur. he was also frustrated because he has no feeling in his hands so he couldn't feel henry's soft fur either.

after about 30 minutes asher wanted to leave henry and be pushed around the hosptial and he said he didn't want to see him again. we decided to just give asher some room and then bring him back to see henry again a little later. when we did bring them back together instead of putting henry in asher's lap we held him up so that asher could feel his face next to his and to also be able to kiss him (and vice versa).

henry weights about 75 lbs (about 10 lbs lighter than he was before we had to put him an our other 3 dogs in a kennel until our house gets put back together), so holding him up for very long was no easy task, but seeing asher's response to being able to touch henry and feel henry against his face made the sore back the next day more than worth it.

yesterday, when asher's occupational therapist came to work with him she asked him what his goals were in what he would like to be able to do when he finished his rehab programs in october. high on the list was to be able to pet henry on his own. what a turn around from the way he first felt when he became so frustrated by not being able to pet henry and never wanted to see him again. i am just so grateful to the Lord for debbie giving up her whole day to bring henry down to atlanta for asher to see, and i am equally grateful that by bringing him that it has now given asher a goal that will help him to, perhaps, not only work even harder in his therapies (he has actually been working really hard already) than he already is doing but to also help him with his overall desires to succeed.

i have to go and meet gloria at the hospital in a few minutes for some family training classes that we are scheduled to take today, but before i end this i wanted to mention, again, the benefit golf tournament for asher this sunday, august 28, at the windstone golf club in Ooltewah. lunch will be at 11 AM and the tournament will begin at 12. for more information contact david norman: 423-874-0308, or his cell: 423-309-5081.

i have also just learned that there is a benefit dinner and singing for asher at st. elmo baptist church (roger kittle is the pastor) from 4 to 6 pm this saturday, august 27th.

bless you all and thanksgiving for your prayers. every day we see so many answers to them that they are too numerous to list.

fighting off the fatigue,

andy mendonsa

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August 19, 2005

"This is Hell," August 19, 2 PM

one of the last things asher said to me last night before i left him was "this is hell." i think by the time i reached the elevators i was holding back the tears until i could reach my car in the parking garage. i am very thankful that an old and dear friend happened to call me on my way out. calls from him are scarce (calls from me to him are even scarcer). this call, no doubt had God's providence written all over it. the person i am talking about is brother eugene gizzi. just brother gene to those who know him well. i count it an extreme privilege to say that i know him well and have known him well since 1979. brother gene is an alexian brother (religious order), and i met him at the alexian brother's nursing home on signal mountain, near chattanooga, not too long after i had graduated from the university of georgia and moved to chattanooga the first time.

over the years i have come to think of brother gene as my adopted dad and he simlarly considers me to be his adopted son. so, when i heard his voice, not only was it familiar and instantly comforting it also resonated in my soul in a way that could have otherwise only been stirred by the heavenly voice of an angel. but then again, brother gene, in his life long devotion to be a healing presence in the lives of untold numbers of infirmed souls, has always been, from my perspective, more heavenly good than earthly minded. and that is why, i know, that God knew brother gene would be His best servant agent at that particular time to bring me through that moment. what good and gracious gifts our heavenly Father gives right at the moment we need them. as my widows are always reminding me: "God is an on time God." Indeed He is.

after i had shared with brother gene, not as much the difficulty that asher is having as he faces the reality of being a parapalegic, possibly for the rest of his life, but the difficulty i am having as i try and relate to what it must be like for him to be facing this. i can't imagine no matter how hard i try and put myself in his place, no matter how long i try and lie awake at night in bed and hold myself as still as possible, only moving my head, i still know in my head that i can move around and get up whenever i want to.

there were many comforting words that brother gene shared with me, but perhaps the most comforting words were not for me but for asher. his last words were for me to let asher know the very first thing the next morning that brother gene was going to devote every minute of his entire day to praying for asher. sometimes asher seems to find comfort when either we or others share that there are so many who are praying for him not only just in chattanooga, but literally all around the world. other times, though, asher does not respond well to this or, for that matter, anything having to do with faith at all, so i really didn't know what asher's response might be to the message that brother gene wanted me to give to him. i was not certain whether he would even remember who brother gene was.

the first thing i did when i came to the hospital at 7 AM this morning to feed asher was to ask him how he was doing and to tell him about my call from brother gene the night before. first, asher let me know that he was doing pretty good and he thought that he had slept through most of the night. there is really no way of knowing, though, how accurate the last part of his answer was. after that brief exchange i asked him if he remembered who brother gene was. i waited. then the good news came, "yes," he did remember, and he even wanted to know why i was asking. so, i told him about his call last night and that he wanted me to let asher know that he would be praying for him every single minute of the day today. first, asher raised his eyebrows (anyone who knows asher at all knows the raised eyebrow look), then he said, "really," and i said "yes, really." he paused for a minute, cocked his head as if contemplating what i had said, pushed his bottom lip up into his top lip with his chin which caused both lips to be pushed out momentarily, and finally said, "that's pretty cool." which were exactly my thoughts when i heard brother gene tell me that the night before.

brother gene's prayers have truly been felt and realized throughout the day today and even though it is not over yet i am optimistic for the outcome of the rest of it as well. also, please know that asher's statement to me last night describing what he was feeling in no way characterizes the daily progress that asher is making as a result of the therapies he is undergoing throughout each day. based on his most recent medical assessment, given his prognosis for not being able to look forward to living independently without the miraculous occurring, asher is working very hard and has a strong determination to improve himself as much as his injuries will allow, but this does not mean that life as he knows it right now is not a hellish existence, and understandably so.

our continued blessings and thanksgiving to you all for all your prayers. we are so grateful for all of them and we want you to know that we are continuing to be carried through each hour of each day by them. asher's completion date for the therapy program he is in right now is october 4, with an out patient program to follow where we will all be able to live in the same place and bring asher to the shepherd center each day. his insurance benefits right now, though, run out september 7. there are several options that we are pursuing in order to be able to extend our coverage through his entire stay here, so, i guess what i am saying is that we really need prayer for this.

just a quick note on our house. to date, construction, rather reconstruction, has not begun yet, but we are getting really close. i think in another week everything should come together in order for this to start. we are thankful, indeed.

being blessed in the midst of our continuing walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

andy mendonsa

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August 12, 2005

Asher's Request, August 12, 1 PM

asher has asked me to ask for visitors. this is the first day that he has really asked for that. i have explained to him that since we are in atlanta, and school is starting back it is hard for his friends to come visit, especially during the week. visitation from friends and family probably does more single good than all of his therapies combined. when asher gets visitors his whole countenance is quite noticeably changed. now that his stamina for staying up longer has improved so much in the last few days he is able to have visitors for much longer. which was not the case even a week ago, when, sometimes, after only ten minutes or less asher would be ready for his visitors to leave. thankfully, that does not seem to be the case now.

asher has been doing really well the last few days, his spirits are up and he has been eating most of his meals. this is such an amazing change, and long awaited anwer to prayers. asher also has his neck brace off too. he had worn this brace since the night he was first injured. the last week or so that he had to wear it he was just about to go crazy with it on. his neck would get so hot and sweaty and along his jaw line and chin was always iching. it is so amazing how different he looks now without it. he looks like the old asher, just minus 40 pounds. that is how much weight he has lost since he has been in the hospital. now that he is eating he should begin to start gaining some of that back.

asher's therapies are also going really well. it is amazing what a difference a change in attitude, and eating well has done to both his stamina and response to his therapists. just in the last couple of days asher has been able to stay in his chair from 8 AM to 6 or 7 Pm without wanting to get back in his bed or taking a nap in his chair. we are just so thankful for all of these changes for the better.

asher was moved to a semi-private room on monday about the time i was leaving to go to dalton for tommy haymes viewing. he has a really nice new roommate who is from pittsburg. it is always hard for asher (and us) to change rooms, but asher (and us) seems to have adjusted pretty quickly, even though he found the room to be fairly depressing at first. with a new room has also come a new schedule for us. when asher was in a private room we were able to spend the night with him, so gloria and i took turns doing that. now that he is in a semi private room we can't spend the night with him any more. now our schedule is that we alternate coming to the hospital by 7 AM each morning so that we can feed him and be with him until his therapies start. he has speech, occupational and physical therapy every day during the week and is usually finished with all of them, though, by 2 or 3 PM. his weekends are fairly free with just one therapy on saturday, and sunday is completely free.

this new schedule seems to be working pretty well. it has allowed us to alternate throughout the day each day so that we can get more rest and get other things done that need to be done like buying groceries and getting the laundry done. the only kink is when i have to go back to chattanooga and gloria has to be at the hospital from 7 until asher goes to sleep around 9 or 10 pm with no relief. when hadrienne is here she is able to help out, but sometimes she is also in chattanooga when i am too. please continue to pray for strength and rest. getting overly tired just takes so many days to recover.

hadrienne and i will be traveling back to chattanooga late this afternoon to help move all of our furniture out of our house tomorrow so that it can be stored until all the work has been done to restore our house. work still hasn't started yet, but i am hoping and praying that it won't be much longer.

while we are gone gloria won't have any relief. please pray that she is able to get enough rest so that she won't get too worn out before we come back.

i want to give thanks to all of those who have come out already throughout the week to pack things up as well as all of those who will be coming out on saturday to help. i especially want to thank larry reed. larry is one of my oldest and dearest friends and i can't express enough appreciation for all he has done to put this moving day together. thank you lord.

as i mentioned earlier i left atlanta monday afternoon to go to dalton for visitation with tommy haymes family and. visitation was supposed to be from 5 to 8 PM, but the line was so long (the average wait was 3 hours) that the last person got in at 11:01 PM. it was truly a testament to the life that tommy lived and the ways that it affected the lives of so many. i am privileged to have been one of those lives and i truly give thanks to the Lord for allowing me to be one of them.

hardly a moment of the day has slipped by since i received the news that tommy had died that i don't think about him and his family. i believe my mourning for him will no pass quickly. it is not that i am not able to rejoice in where he is right now, with jesus. no one i have ever known wanted to be with jesus more than tommy. he had an amazing trust and faith in God that was born out of many earthly struggles and victories. tommy had no fear of dying, in fact, 3 weeks before he died he was talking to his very close friend alfred johnson and he told him that if anyone ever told him that he had died not to believe them. that was because tommy knew, that as a christain, the hope and promise of eternal life was based on his immovable belief in the promises for such a life that are made in the new testament for those who accept jesus as the promised messiah.

i know first hand that, who tommy believed could qualify for what was prophetically written in the jewish bible as the standards for being able to recognize who the true messiah was when he came, to the very depths of his being was jesus. therefore, because of that belief, he lived his life based on all the hopes and promises that were given to him by the written accounts of jesus's life in the new testament. based on this, perhaps the greatest legacy that tommy left was for jesus's own example for denying himself. jesus placed his father's will completely ahead of his own and by doing this the outcome was that he also placed the needs of others above his own, and this kind of denial of self and devotion to others can be summed up with only two words: unconditional love. historically, there have been many who have claimed and will claim to be the messiah, but the true measure must be based on some standard and that standard must be rooted in absolute truth, and for tommy i know that if the outpouring of that truth does not manifest itself in the complete denial of self and the propagation of a justice and mercy that flows out of unconditional love that sees as it's greatest act as one of being able to sacrifice one's own life on behalf of others, then the credibility for that person's claims for being either a messiah, or the messiah, must be called into question.

there is obviously much more to the high standard that the true messiah must be held up to in order to prove his legitimacy, especially for him to be able to assure that a belief and trust in him will insure that, like tommy said, "if someone tells you i'm dead don't believe them," because he knew with no doubts in his mind, what-so-ever, that leaving this world meant an immediate entering into an existence of life everlasting in God's presence. tommy, without a doubt, lived out that belief every day of his life like few people i have ever known. even in times of great turmoil and strife i never heard him complain and he was always quick to demonstrate joy and a deep sense of thanksgiving. for a complainer like me, i was constantly in awe this kind of faith.

blessings and thanksgiving to you all for your continued prayers and support. asher's continued progress as well as all the support that continues to come our way with things like getting help moving our possessions out of our house can all, without any doubt in my mind, be attributed to all of you.

continuing to be humbled by the passing of a great friend, saint and brother,

andy mendonsa

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August 08, 2005

A Fallen Friend, August 7, 10 PM

i almost just don't even know what or how to write about the news that i got today about one of my closest and dearest friends, tommy haymes, that he had a massive coronary around 3 AM this morning and died.

tommy and i met, well, so long ago i don't exactly remember when it was, but i will never forget where it was. a few weeks before we met i had gotten a call from a man named alfred johnson, who turned out to be the pastor of the church of the first born in chattanooga. alfred, who has become one of my heros of the faith in chattanooga, said that he wanted to learn more about widows ministry and asked me to come by his church and meet with him to discuss it. up until that point i had never had a pastor actually contact me and make such a request. in fact, it would be many more years after that before another pastor would approach me with the same request. care and concern for widows, i have learned over the years is, unfortunately, not a burning issue with most pastors and churches in america today.

when i finally was able to get with alfred to meet with him and share with him about the widows ministry, there was another man with him in his office and it turned out to be tommy haymes. it also turn out, i was to soon learn, that tommy was actually the one to get alfred to set up the meeting between all of us. tommy shared with me that day that he had been praying and asking God to show him who was the closest group of people to His heart, because he wanted to be close to those who were close to God, especially for their prayers. what he was truly convinced (as i have been for many years as well) that God revealed to him was that the widows and the fatherless are the two groups of people on earth that God makes special provisions for their care from almost the very beginning of the Bible to the very end. in fact, in james 1:27 God even says that the care of the widow and the fatherless is considered by Him to be "pure and undefiled worship." and from a christian perspective, the widow and the fatherless actually represents to us what we believe that jesus did on our behalf by the giving of His own life for us, and by our acceptance of that, He said that He would not leave us as orphans, and we also know that He has not left us as widows either, because in the NT it is clearly presented to us that as His church, we are considered by Him to be His bride. according to early jewish traditions, to be betrothed is the same as already being married, but the husband and wife do not live in a marriage relationship until after the wedding ceremony.

up until that meeting with tommy i had never met another man that understood the centrality of caring for the widow and the fatherless in worship, not because it was important to him, but because he realized that according to the Bible it was important to God. Even today, almost 20 years of being in a widows ministry, i still have not found very many christian men that understand the importance of caring for the widows and the fatherless the way that tommy did. when he first shared his understanding of this with me i immediately knew that i was with a person who had gone through great difficulties and struggles in his life and as a result had been able to see beyond the cultural entrapments that have prevented much of the church today from being able to know and truly understand what is really important to God: justice and mercy and the ways that both of these two areas, when combined, are meant to insure the perpetual care of the widow and the fatherless throughout the ages. and yet, this historical lesson, beginning with israel, and continuing with every society and culture right up until today, has brought about it's own desolation and destruction, for something that is as simple as it is profound, and that is for not caring for the widows and the fatherless by insuring that they are relieved of their distressful predicaments and insured of receiving both the justice and mercy that God has mandated to be their due.

quite honestly, tommy may have been the only person that i have ever met that understood not only the necessity for fulling this mandate, but he equally understood the consequences for not.

i have found myself crying at almost every turn and juncture today as the realization that tommy is really gone and the many questions that keep popping into my head throughout the day and into the night that i want to ask him, or things that i want to tell him and i can't. tommy had been the chairman of the widow ministry (widow harvest) board for at least 5 years or more and just yesterday i had spoken with him at least 2 if not 3 times about matters pertaining to the ministry. since asher's accident, tommy has always been there for me and my family as well as the widows minstry. he immediately stepped in and began to help relieve me of the many duties and responsibilities that i have with the ministry, even though he was busier than any 5 people combined that i know. in fact, yesterday, one of the reasons that tommy and i were in contact so much was that he was helping to work on a grant proposal for the ministry. we were also talking about a trip at the end of october that the widows ministry was supposed to make to kenya for the purpose of bringing pastors and widows from all over africa together with our director of widows harvest africa, joshua atieno, who is a kenyan pastor that lives near kisumu, in order to teach on both the necessity of the church to care for widows as an absolute biblical priority and for widows to begin to recognize and understand
their positions before God in the ways that He has that He has mandated for them to pray.

the reason that this trip was planned in the first place was because Joshua's widows in his church, who have one of the most powerful prayer ministries i have ever known about, began to tell him that they felt they needed me to come to be with them and to pray with them. he said that a number of them had even had dreams of me coming there. until joshua told me that i had never had any plans or desires on my heart to travel to africa, even though i have felt for a long time that, perhaps, the greatest prayer resource on the face of the earth lies, first, with widows, and among all of the widows of the world, africa's widows represent the purest vein of gold of all.

after joshua shared with me what the widows had asked him to (and he was very hesitant to do this, because he did not think i would come) i began to seriously consider going, and in my consideration I included much prayer. when i finally felt that going to be with joshua's widows was what i needed to do, and my daughter hadrienne had also expressed a desire to join me, it was amazing that even before i tried to raise any money to cover my traveling expenses money was donated for me to go. that only further confirmed to me that i should go. i didn't feel, though, that this trip should be about me. if i was going it needed to include others who shared a similar burden and vision for spreading the word about the necessity for caring for widows as well as for promoting among widows their very special and invaluable call to pray.

as i shared this with tommy and asked him to consider going to africa, or i should say returning to africa, he almost jumped at the opportunity. he had been to joshua's church as our ministry representative along with cecil gravitt, who is also on our board and the pastor of grace community church. earlier in 2004, cecil's church had raised enough money to build a church building for joshua and his widows and this trip was for the purpose of dedicating the church. so cecil and several of the men in his church went over to particpate in this.

after asher was injured, tommy not only became an invaluable source of help in the ministry, but he also took over, for me, the organizing and leading of this trip to kenya scheduled for the end of october. tommy was really excited about making this trip, particularly after we received an email from joshua recently telling us that he had been in contact with the senator from his area to let him know what was going to take place and the senator became very enthusiastic about it and expressed a desire to support his efforts, because of his own great concern for the plight of widows in his area.

please pray that this conference will go on. i do not know who will lead it from widows harvest, or how it will come off in kenya, but i believe it must take place, now, more than ever. the suffering of widows can no longer be ignored, their suffering must be brought to the forefront of the church as well as the world's attention as, perhaps, the most neglected, forgotten and suffering group of people on the face of the earth today.

visitation at the funeral home with tommy's dear wife, wilma, their children and grandchildren will be tomorrow from 5 to 8 at Love Funeral Home, 1402 N Thornton Ave, dalton, georgia and the funeral will be tuesday, july 9, 11 AM at the Evangelical Methodist Church, also in dalton, 1035 abutment Rd. Lord willing i will be there. please pray for his family.

devastating circumstances appears to continue to be an ongoing part of life for me and my family. when i first heard the news about tommy today, it literally took my breath away. i am breathing better tonight, but the tears are still flowing. thank you, again, for your desperately needed prayers. i cannot imagine what things would be like for me right now if your prayers were not with me and my family tonight. i just truly thank the Lord for his giving to me a friend like tommy. there are friends and then their are eternal friends. thank you Lord for blessing me with such an amazing eternal friend. i know that if it were not for you Lord I would miss him more than i could bear, but even with you, right now, it seems like it is already almost that much.

trying to live within the worries of the day,

andy mendonsa

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August 05, 2005

Plateaus, August 5, 11 PM

today asher was finally back up to where he was before he began to have some difficulties on monday. it took days of sleeping and resting most of the week for his body to recover. it has been good to see him acting like his (new) old self. hope that makes sense.

in the early days of his injuries, when there were so many unknowns, everyday seemed to spark new hope. those days were filled with so many firsts, and as i said as we were going through them it was like watching a new born developing into a toddler, but at a very excellerated rate. after all of those "firsts" take place, like saying the turning over, crawling, standing up and saying the first words, a times comes after that where there is a leveling off, of sorts. asher has definitely entered into that time. it doesn't mean that he is not gaining ground as far as his therapies are concerned, it just means that the degrees of change are far more subtle and not as dramatic to report.

since asher has both brain injuries as well as spinal injuries it greatly complicates the recovery process in terms of the therapies that he is now undergoing. even though we are around him day in and day out, and are able to witness first hand how difficult it is for him to have to struggle in both of these areas at once, it is also very difficult to explain these struggles in ways that others will understand them when we are still having a hard time trying to understand them ourselves. there is some really great information on the Shepherd web site (shepherd.org) about both spinal and brain injuries if any of you would be inclined, or have the time to look. medically, it gives you a much better idea of some of the things that asher is going through, than i am able to explain.

one of the things that i can tell that is improving is asher's short term memory. the other morning when the nurse woke him up she immediately asked him what day it was, the date, the year, and where he was. without hesitating he answered all these question correctly. they ask him questions like this every day in order to determine his overall awareness as well as how well he is retaining new information from day to day. when his nurse came in tonight the first thing she asked asher was her name. he also knew that immediately. the surprise in her voice did not escape my notice.

asher is also now using an electric wheel chair. it has a joy stick on the left side since his left arm has some voluntary movement and he is able to move his wrists. at some point they will begin to work with him to be able to extend his left arm so that he can learn to control the wheel chair for himself. right now he is not ready for that, though. he can raise and lower his chair, though. they have also installed a large button by his head that he can press his head against that will tilt him back and up again. he has to do this every 30 minutes in order to shift his weight. if he doesn't do this it can cause sores. sores that he cannot afford to get.

he had the beginnings of a sore at the bottom of his back when he came to shepherd and he is only now being allowed to lie flat on his back, but for only 3 hours a day. the rest of the time he has to lie on his sides (he gets turned every 4 hours). since one of shepherd's key areas of specialization is skin care, we are very fortunate to be getting some of the best training in the world for asher in this area. learning about what doing a poor job with skin care can mean for someone who has the disabilities that asher has right now is truly frightening. frightening enough to make certain that he will be cared for properly. the catch 22 factor is, though, that the realization of all of the work that is involved in insuring that he has this kind of care is almost just as overwelming.

grace has carried us this far, a distance that none of us could have made on our own, and we are depending everyday on that same grace to give us the strength to make it another step, another yard and a little closer to the finish.

our family continues to be deeply in your debt for your gracious offerings of prayer on our behalf. i can honestly never express to you how much we are sustained each moment of each day by them and how much that means to us. in a very real sense it means life itself, eternally.

adjusting to the plateaus, thankful they are there,

andy mendonsa

P.S.

some of you have contacted me and wanted to know when another date had been set to try and move our furniture and other belongs out of our house and into storage until our house can be put back together. right now, the plan is to have a work day next saturday, august 13. larry reed, a very old and dear friend has offered to organize and be in charge of getting this done for us. Lord bless him. if you need contact information for him please just email me at: andy@widows.org. as i have more information i will also include it in future updates.

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August 02, 2005

A Shepherd Morning, August 2, 2005

today is gloria's birthday. it is hard to think about birthdays. my birthday was june 6, a little less than 2 weeks after asher's fall. he was still in a coma in icu and was still waiting for his 3rd and longest surgery that would try and pull his T5 vertebrae back in line with the rest of his spine. the last thing i wanted to think about was a birthday. i knew that i couldn't stop having a birthday, but i did my best to ask people to leave the word "happy" out of their expressed wishes for me throughout that day. no amount of wishing expressed to me personally, or otherwise would have been able to make that a "happy" birthday. i didn't want presents, i didn't want cards, i didn't want a cake, all i wanted was my son to continue to live and to have his health restored. it was difficult for everyone i ran into that day to just say "birthday" (try it some time. it is really awkward to just say 'birthday to someone), though, but most people were able to honor my wishes, and as hard as it might be to believe it was more of a help to me in getting through that day than anyone would have probably realized.

as hard as i know that it is for gloria to have a "happy" birthday today even though asher is out of his coma, fully awake, and undergoing spinal rehab, celebrating such an occaision is almost beyond even consideration. we are able to celebrate it, though. it is hard, i would think (but i am not gloria and can only speak for myself) not to receive the "happy" in birthday when it is being spoken to you by your son. asher told gloria happy birthday this morning on the phone before she came back to the shepherd center after spending the night in the hotel where we are staying (last night was my turn to spend the night with asher).

i wish that asher was, himself, having a good day today on his mom's birthday. yesterday when i came back to atlanta from chattanooga after going there to take care of some personal and widows ministry business i found that asher had had a very hard day. usually, after i have been gone, even if it is just for a few hours, asher has really missed me and lets me know it almost immediately when i get back. as soon as i came into his room and came over to the bed to see him, though, i knew that the day was not going well by his almost non-response to my being there. it basically went downhill from there.

earlier in the day his stomach had been really upset and he had even thrown up at one point. he didn't have a virus or anything, rather it was related to something else that was physically going on with him. the result was that he had periods of extreme agitation through the rest of the day and even into much of the evening. this also seemed to cause him not to be able to sleep last night even after giving him something to help him sleep. it was well after midnight before he finally went to sleep and that was only after giving him some pain medication as well.

it is amazing what having a day like yesterday does to affect the kind of day he is having today. not a good one. he is extremely tired and is unwilling to eat even the little that he normally eats. part of this is due to a fear now of throwing up again. part of the effects of his brain injury are that his ability to exercise good judgement has been greatly altered. what level his being able to make good judgements will return to, like many things at this point, is unknown.

please pray for asher's appetite to pick up as well as how much he eats to increase. right now they have to give him liquid supplements through his feeding tube several times a day in order to insure that he receives all the nutrition that he needs. also, pray that asher will get the kind of rest that he must have in order to be as rested as possible for each of his therapies throughout each day. if he is too tired, because he hasn't been able to get enough rest the night before, he will not get what is vitally important for him to get out of each of his therapy sessions. all of this, of course, plays a critical role as well in asher's psychological perspective of where he is right now. under normal circumstances eating well, exercise and getting enough rest can play a significant role in our psychological perspectives of things so you can imagine, when you have had the critical injuries that asher has the kinds of effects not getting enough of all of these things can have.

i know that asher is going to bounce back from the set back that he had yesterday, and prayer will continue to contribute greatly to how soon and how effectively he recovers. bless you all for praying.

i would also like to ask you to pray that construction will be able to get started really soon on our house. with a house built in 1920, that has plaster and lath walls, deterioration happens very rapidly with extreme temperature changes like the ones that have occurred in our house since the roof was opened up. with much of the roof only being covered by tarps water continues to come inside every time there is a heavy rain.

continuing in the beyond our control,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 10:10 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack