The Asher Update

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July 30, 2005

Spinal Unit, July 30, 9 AM

i can't believe it has been 3 days since i wrote the last update. it has been virtually impossible to be in a position to write one until now. part of that is due to time, and the other part of it is that when there has been time i have not had access to a computer, or i have just been too tired.

what we have been waiting for since coming to atlanta, and shepherd, finally happened late thursday afternoon. asher was moved out of the acquired brain injury unit to the spinal injury unit. this is truly an indication of the amazing progress that asher has made in terms of his brain function improving to the degree that he can now undergo the rigorous demands of spinal injury rehab.

asher is now back in a private room, which on the one hand is very wonderful, but on the other hand, he has new fears for being left alone. he has become quite emotional as he is trying to adjust to being in another unfamiliar setting with a lot of new and very unfamiliar faces. whereas in the brain injury unit there was closer monitoring of the patients, here in the spinal unit there is far less, especially throughout the night. what this has meant is that gloria and i are taking turns, again, spending the night with asher. he has all but begged us not to leave him.

our struggle, intially, was whether this would be a good idea for us to stay. we were worried that this might hamper asher's overall rehab progress by causing asher to cling to us in an unhealthy way that would help cause him not to engage in his therapy sessions in the ways that would benefit him the most. we were assured, though, that with this new change, and because of asher's brain injuries, that it would actually be a very good thing to stay with him as much as possible when he is not actually in his therapy sessions. what this means for all of us, now, is trying to figure out and adjust to a completely new schedule. which, at this point, you would think we would have become very flexible and adjusting to a new schedule would not be all that difficult. i wish that were the case, but i am finding that the opposite is true: our bending feels more like breaking.

in the midst of finding myself extremely tired, and on top of that i am getting some kind of a cold or something, i have had some of the most wonderful times with asher that i have ever had in my whole life with him. when i spent the night with him thursday night, about 5 AM, he was wide awake and wanted to talk. i was not wide awake and i really didn't want to talk, but his persistence soon had me sitting right next to him holding his hand. i am so thankful, now, for his persistence. the conversation and time we spent will be in my heart for the rest of my life. the tenderness of the moment was like nothing that i believe i have ever experienced. here i was, "the well one, the strong one," and here he was "the infirmed one, the broken one," and i found that he was the one that was giving it all to me and i could not possibly give back to him what he so, obviously, seemed to need. the feelings i had of selfishness and inadequacy were only compounded every time i would tell him that i loved him and his immediate response would always be: "i love you more."

after all that asher has been through, and knowing all that asher has yet to go through, and yet he still has love in his heart. love that expresses itself in a way that tells me that it really is more than mine, and it reminds me that just as we tell God we love Him, and we are doing it as "the well and strong and able ones," God's reply is always one that expresses itself as, "i love you more." and eveytime i hear Him say this to me He is saying it after being beaten and tortured and hanging on a cross all day at the point of breathing His last breath. and when i think about it, realize it in this way, i am confronted with how easy it is to say "i love you" when everything is going so well in our lives, but how difficult it is to show it when it is not.....

Lord bless you all for continuing to hang in there with us, especially when the basis for it is God's unfathomable love. I am truly thankful. your faithfulness in prayer has allowed me to be reminded in, perhaps, the most profound way that God has ever reminded me that "He loves me/us more. and He always will.

being blessed by my son,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 09:49 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

July 27, 2005

Perspectives, July 27, 11 AM

i am back in atlanta. i got here about 8 last night just in time to see asher for his bath. he had already gone to sleep, but had woken up while they were bathing him. he was pretty upset and angry. nothing seemed to calm him down much until his bath was over and he was able to go back to sleep.

gloria said, according to one of his therapists that she spoke to earlier in the day, asher was not very cooperative during his therapy sessions, nor did he want to eat much. i know that, based on the way he had been the day before, that he was probably exhausted and that, i'm sure, contributed to his overall attitude problems throughout the day. the fact that he is depressed is also a signficant factor.

i know that there are going to be good days and bad days. that is just part of it. the problem with bad days here is that there are only so many days allowed by insurance for therapy, so, if asher is uncooperative he basically loses that day in terms of the over all effectiveness of his different therapies.

i had planned to try and move furniture out of our house on saturday, because it looks like, based on continued damage that is occurring to our house (cracking plaster, etc) there probably won't be any rooms that don't need some type of repair done. also, there is just not enough room to put all of our furniture into the 2 rooms we are using now. quite frankly, i just ran out of gas yesterday and didn't see any way i could come back to atlanta and then make it back to chattanooga for a saturday moving day and still be able to function emotionally and physically. so, i have canceled all plans for trying to move our furniture for now. later, i will probably care a lot more about our possessions, but at this point they really don't seem all that important.

last night, after gloria, hadrienne and i left the hospital and went back to the apartment we got into a discussion about my updates and the tone. some comments were made that they seemed awfully cheerful, and weren't necessarily accurate with that regard, especially with regard to their not being a reflecition of how they are feeling/coping with the circumstances we are all in. so, i want to comment briefly on that, and at the same time am not exactly sure how to put it.

i guess i will start off by saying that even though i have truly been able to give thanks through so much of what has taken place over these last 2 months, it doesn't mean that i am always cheerful in the process. like right now. i don't feel very cheerful, in fact, i feel like i am sleep walking i am so tired. after our family discussion last night, i would have to say that probably sums up how gloria and hadrienne are feeling. this is the hardest thing any of us have ever gone through in our entire lives and it keeps staying really hard.

we all try and imagine what it is going to be like when asher comes home from Shepherd around the first of september. a completely different reality is going to begin to sink in at that point. that is also complicated by the fact that we probably won't have a house to move into (at least not our own) by then.

as you might imagine, there are many fears both in what the future holds for us in terms of where we will stay, but also just in being able to manage asher's care once we return home. today, we have been attending classes that are intended both as educations as well as preparation for when we bring asher home and his complete care is turned over to us. for the present, all his bodily functions will need to be taken care of by us. i knew they would be significant before we took the classes, but after just taking the morning sessions, the reality of their complexity is now really beginning to sink in.

yet, sitting here writing, as overwhelmed as i am feeling today, which goes double or triple for gloria and hadrienne, i keep thinking about something that happened yesterday when i was still in chattanooga. it happened when i went to pick up some of asher's things from the police dept that they had collected after his fall, like his camera. the detective i met with was the detective who had been on the scene after asher's fall in order to conduct an investigation surrounding the circumstances that led to this accident. when he asked me how asher was doing and i told him, he then expressed how glad he was, because when he came to the emergency room the night of asher's fall, in order to follow up with us and to check on asher's condition, he said the doctor he talked with had not presented a very hopeful outlooked for asher's survival at the time.

even though the doctors did not come out and say those exact words to us just before they finally let us see asher before taking him up to ICU, those concerns came through to us, just the same. looking at what we are faced with in the next weeks and months as we try and get our house put back together, and we also learn to care for asher in the ways that he is going to need us to, because his continued survival will depend on us in many ways, as overwhelming as it all seems, it is still very different from where we first started out with asher, literally, teetering between life and death.

bless you all abundantly for continuing to hang with us. we all continue to be very thankful for you.

letting another strong dose of reality sink in,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 11:29 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

July 25, 2005

Chattering, July 25, 6 PM

yesterday, when hadrienne and i got back to atlanta, we found that asher had been talking non-stop all day and he never slowed down until they finally gave him something to help him sleep that night. it was all music to our ears. his speech has improved tremendously. he barely talks in syllables anymore. the problem he is having now is finding the right words. he seems to know what he wants to say, but he can't say the right words for it. like calling his bed a tree, only you don't know that he is talking about his bed, so you have no idea what he is trying to tell you sometimes.

the other area is judgement. the front of the brain is where your judgement center is and that is probably where the greatest degree of concentration of his brain injury took place. most people who have a brain injury will generally have another one later on. the reason being that their capacity to use good judgement can be greatly altered. so they may do something risky because their judgement has been affected that may lead to their injuring their brain again. the odds are really very high for this.

i am back in chattanooga. seems like i was just here yesterday. oh yeah, i was. the good news is the trip doesn't seem like it takes as long the more i do it. one reason i am back is to try and arrange to get a lot of our furniture moved out of the house this saturday. i am trying to make arrangements for storage, man/woman power, etc. so i can come back for this. with the house continuing to show signs of damage to the walls it doesn't look like there is really any good place to store the furniture in the house. also,while i am here, i have to get rid of an infestation of fleas we have now that all of our dogs are out of the house. i have tried to get rid of them myself, but it doesn't seem to be working, so i am bringing in the big guns (the exterminator) tomorrow to get it done.

last night was the first night i can remember in quite a while that i have not been able to sleep, because some worry kept creeping in throughout the night. i am not certain what it was i was worrying about, now, but at the time it seemed worth doing. well, maybe not worth doing, but let's say that i just didn't seem to be able to help from doing it.

there is more i want to say, but i just don't have the time right now, plus the fleas and heat inside the house are finally getting to me. i will try back in the morning, because i will also have been able to have gotten the lastest update myself from gloria on how asher did today.

eveyday it seems like i find out about another person or group that finds out about asher and begins to pray for him, and us as well. who could ever be angry at a God who showed His love for us in such amazing ways like this. everytime someone contacts us to let us know that they are praying for us, what i hear is God saying "I love you." thank you all for continuing to be God's hands and feet and voice in our lives.

giving thanks for the music,

andy mendonsa

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July 23, 2005

Message Left, July 23, 1 PM

early yesterday evening i checked my voice mail and to my great joy i heard my son's voice say, "hey dad, where are you?" i called back immediately and we had a wonderful little visit before he went to sleep.

apparently, his therapy sessions went well yesterday, and he seemed a lot less stressed than he has for the past few days. i think he is beginning to fall into a routine that is making some sense to him in the midst of a lot that is still confusing. or perhaps, fuzzy, would be a better word.

in one of the recent comments i received i was asked about asher's movement abilities. he is still considered a quadrapelegic, but he is making some good strides at being able to control his left arm. if he continues moving forward the way that he is he will be able to control an electric wheel chair with his left arm and hand before we know it. he still does not have any signs of use with his fingers at this point. fingers are controlled at points below where his other spinal injury occurred, T5.

as far as his legs, or anything below his waist, at this point, he has not shown any signs of voluntary movement, or feeling that we can tell. now he does have involuntary movement in his legs occaisionally. he even has resistence in his right leg sometimes. when i pull it to the outside it will try and close together with the other leg.

i am learning more and more the complexities of both spinal and brain injuries.. in that asher has both it is even more complicated. the shepherd spinal center web site has some wonderful information if you want to learn more about what we are going through, and expectations for recovery (shepherd.org).

the truth is that there is so much that is unknown, just medically, about what to expect, because each injury is different and at this stage, ultimate outcomes are really not predictable, that we are still in a wait and see. it can take up to a year to determine some of the outcomes, and in certain cases it can take even longer.

in many ways it is not so different than when asher was still in a coma and we were waiting to see what would come back. for many weeks we were waiting just to find out if his chest muscles were functional so that he could be able to come off the ventilator. that seems like such a long time ago, but at the time, in addition to our concerns about him continuing to survive, there were also the concerns about whether he would ever wake up, and if he did what would his mental condition be, in addition to worrying about whether he would ever be able to breath on his own.

then, after he was able to breath on his own, one of the next concerns was whether he would ever be able to swallow enough to be able to eat through his mouth rather than through a feeding tube. which, incidentally, he still has a feeding tube and receives supplimental feedings every day.

anyone who has ever tried to restore an old house knows that you have to begin with the foundation. if it is not secure, then no matter what else you do to the house it will eventually be undone, because the house will never be completely stable. in a sense, what is going on with asher right now is dealing with his functional foundations: thinking, eating, breathing, sleeping, moving, digestion, etc. as asher's brain continues to heal and his cognitive abilities improve, we will be able to find out more and more what is working elsewhere.

every day, it seems like, God sends more people, both new as well as old friends and aquaintances to encourage us in such amazing ways. my family and i continue to be blessed beyond measure by such incredible signs of support. we have tried to keep up with all that has been done for us, that we know about, but it seems like more than not has fallen between the cracks. we just want to be able to thank everyone, even though we know that many would not want or expect to receive our thanks. still, we are so thankful, and we know that we could not have, nor could we continue to, make it through all of this without all of your prayers and all the other ways that you have helped as well. may the Lord continue to keep and bless you all.

another day of rejoicing in God's mercy and grace,

andy mendonsa

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July 21, 2005

Remapping the Mind, July 21, 7 PM

asher is getting ready for bed. it is amazing all that is involved with that. he is asking more and more to be allowed to go home, or even to the apartment where we are staying right now. he doesn't put up too much of an argument when we tell him that he will get to come home, but not until he is finished with his therapy. he will usually let it go for a while, and then he brings it up again. this can usually go on for about 30 minutes at a time before he let's it go.

he is continuing to make progress every day and we are hearing good reports from all his therapists. please pray that he will be ready to be moved by the end of next week into the spinal center. what this will mean is that his brain has recovered enough to be able to start undergoing therapy for his spinal injuries. the way he is progressing it is looking good for him to be able to do this by then, but it is not assured at this point.

another prayer request would be for asher's appetite to improve. he has never had a big appetite, but he has lost so much weight that he really needs to increase the amount he is eating at every meal by about 25%.

he is complaining more and more about pain. this is not necessarily a bad thing if it means that he is regaining more feeling. sometimes, though, we think that he may be complaining about pain as a diversion from other things that he doesn't want to do.

now that we don't get to see him until after 4 each day, he is really happy to see us when we come in, as we are to see him. he is usually pretty tired after his therapies, so he is usually sleeping when we come to see him and he doesn't wake up until 5 or later. we found out when we came to see him this afternoon that one of his therapists had him working on a computer. he said it was really hard, but i think he enjoyed it. he got to visit some web sites he was familiar with.

honestly, i just can't believe how well he is doing, how good he looks and how his personality is coming out more and more. even his nurse commented today that she could recognize some new personality traits that she hasn't seen in him before. it is kind of interesting that over the last few days that when i am not with him, but i am thinking about him in my mind i am starting to imagine him more the way that he was before his accident, but in his present condition. i don't know whether i have said that in a way that makes any sense, though.

it was really nice for gloria and i to get to spend some time together today and to drive around the city some. this was the first day that we have spent together by ourselves since may 23. it is hard to believe that it has been that long now since he fell.

as i said in an earlier update, when we found out that we were going to get to come to the Sherpherd spinal center, that i use to live in mid town atlanta back in the early eighties. it has changed more than i would have ever possibly imagined, but amazingly gloria and i were able to find our way around without ever getting lost. the only thing i really had trouble finding was where i used to live off of myrtle street. i couldn't remember the cross street that it was on. while we were driving around trying to find it we came across it almost without realizing it because everything has changed so much. all in all it was really nice for me to revive the map in my mind of the layout of so much of the places that i used to frequent that has lain dormant and forgotten in my mind long ago. as we were talking about this with someone today they drew the analagy of what asher is going through in his own mind for remapping once familiar pathways with what was being revived in my own mind as we drove around for a good part of the day. obviously, this experience for me was not a difficult or painful one, but in a very odd sense i can, on a very minimal level, maybe understand some of the process that he is going through. i had a vague sense for where parts of the city are, but i couldn't remember the names of any streets or how they were all connected. as we drove around all of that began to be filled in and a more complete map began appear in my mind. the process probably wouldn't have been all that big a deal if asher were not going through what he is right now. it is so amazing to me that God can use something like this experience today to better understand what it must be like in asher's mind right now. God is so good.

early in the morning i will leave for chattanooga. i have to move our dogs to another kennel. the one they are in are booked up for the weekend. hopefully the new place i am moving them to will be able to keep them for awhile.

please pray for the next place we will be staying when our housing runs out on the 29th in the shepherd apt. we would like to stay as close as possible to shepherd if we can. for the time being we are planning to just move back into a hotel until something else opens up.

also, please pray about where we will be able to go when asher finishes his therapy if our house is not finished enough for us to be able to move back into it. i cannot possibly imagine how it will be, but i am optimistic and am not giving up the hope that it will be.

thanks and blessings for your continued prayers,

marveling at remapping,

andy mendonsa

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July 20, 2005

Message From Asher, July 20, 7:30

i am back in atlanta, in the room with asher. i asked him if he wanted me to tell everyone that reads this update anything. he said "no." so, i asked him if he wanted to thank everyone for praying for him, and he said "yes." then he paused for a fews seconds and added, "i would love that very much."

asher did very well in all his therapies today. he is on a new schedule now, which means that we can't see him until after 4 pm, when all his therapies are finished. this has been really tough on us as well as on him, but it is also, ultimately, a good thing for all of us too.

nothing has changed as far as the house being put back together at this point. it will probably be at least another week before things get moving on it. all in all, though, today has been another day to give thanks for.

Lord bless you all.

glad to be back with asher,

andy mendonsa

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July 19, 2005

It almost came as a shock! July 19, 5:30 PM

that heading is probably misleading, but it was all i could think of at the moment. yesterday, after i got to chattanooga, it started to rain really hard and when i went inside our house there was some significant leakage still. oh well. that was the least of my worries i soon found out when i went up on the roof during a break in the rain to clear out the front gutters. i started clearing leaves, dirt and bricks our of the gutter so that the water would go down the downspouts instead of running over into the porch. when i got around to the other side of the porch my heart skipped several beats. the tree had flattened out a section of the gutter so that it was right against the power line that brings service into our house. what was most frightening was that one of the strands had burned all the way through and the exposed wire coming straight from the pole was about an eighth of an inch from touching the gutter. just the shaking of the gutter that i had been doing was more than enough to cause the gutter to touch the exposed wire and fry me. i just shutter every time i think about it. and yes, i am thankful beyond belief.

when i spoke with asher earlier this morning he sounded more rested than he has in several days. i don't know yet how his therapy went. while i am in chattanooga i have limited access to a the internet, so, i can't really give an end of the day update for now. i do know that gloria and hadrienne have had a particularly rough day today. with all the new and re-construction that is now going on at the hospital, i think it has everyone a little on edge, maybe. i don't know. whatever the reasons are, though, it seemed to make for some difficult realities to be made apparent earlier today that has meant a reduction in the amount of time that we can be with asher throughout the day by almost half. this came with no warning and has been quite devastating news for us. just one more thing in the list to increase our dependancy and trust in God for.

Lord bless you all and thank you. i know that each of you have your own needs and concerns that are just in as great a need of prayer as we are. in many ways i feel very selfish for continuing to ask for the kind of continuous prayer that we seem to be continuing to find ourselves in need of. i am sincerely so grateful to God for your persistence with Him on our behalf. especially on my son's behalf.

trying to learn the latest dance steps for the lastest dance i find myself having to try to learn in order for reconstruction to begin on our house. and i am really not a very good dancer to begin with.

andy mendonsa

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July 17, 2005

Sign of the Rainbow, July 17, 3 PM

as i was driving into atlanta, yesterday evening, there was truly the most beautiful and complete rainbow i have ever seen. as i approached the 285 bypass i realized that it was actually a double rainbow. it was a gift, in fact a double gift, reminding me of God's faithfulness to keep His promises. sometimes you don't realize what it is you need, or perhaps that you even have a need, until that need is fulfilled. for instances, many of the storms in life that we encounter, which seem to have no end in sight, and which also seem to be bringing with them complete desolation and destruction, without knowing God's promise to "never leave us or forsake us," what hope would we have in the midst of any of these circumstances, life threatening or otherwise? hope that life is not just a random set of circumstances, and we are nothing more than bright, shiny balls of existence being shot out into this world like balls being shot out of the chute in a pinball machine bouncing from here to there, and no matter how hard we try and keep ourselves in the game by keeping the game going, no matter how capable we think we are and, therefore, think we don't need help from anyone or anything, the ball will always, eventually, disappear into the outer darkness, taking us out of the game completely.

when God promised noah that he would never destroy mankind again by allowing it to rain for so long and so hard that the entire world would be flooded, he said that a rainbow in the sky after it rained would be for a sign to not only him, but for all of us, even today, that God will never break His promises to us. If God has not broken that promise that He made to Noah thousands of years ago, then why should I doubt Him for all of His other promises that He has made to us?

seeing that incredible rainbow, for me, after my family has found itself in the extreme circumstances it has since May 23rd, was perhaps, one of the most reassuring signs of God's love for me/us that He could possibly have shown me at a time when I needed to see it, be reassured of it, even though until it happened i wasn't even aware of how great my need was for it. Praise and Thanksgiving!

it has been so good to be with asher, gloria and hadrienne all of last night and today. it is amazing to me that the worries of tomorrow have been left behind in chattanooga, for now, and my attention has been able to be entirely on all of them. by my being here gloria was even able to get a break for part of the afternoon today. she and hadrienne went to the atlanta zoo with my step-sister, penny farr and her husband nelson.

having family in town, as well as not too far out-of-town has been a great blessing. in addition to penny and nelson, i also have a step-brother, richard danzig, his wife maureen, their two children, jack and matthew, and my aunt and uncle, catherine and harry davis, and their grown children, suzanne, alison and caty, who live in canton, georgia. they all have been such wonderful sources of support for us in ways that i am certain that they are not even aware of. we are so thankful to the Lord for blessing us with such a wonderful family here in atlanta.

Penny and nelson's church, grace united methodist, has also been amazing. a number of their members have come to visit as well as to provide us with meals. my aunt and uncle's church, new covenant bible church, has also provided a tremendous amount of support for us since we have been here in similar ways as well.

asher had an oddly restless day today. he seemed to be very uncomfortable most of the day and experiencing quite a bit of pain, particulary when he was in his wheel chair. in fact, when he was in his chair, he kept complaining that his head hurt, which is something he has not complained about before. so, both times he was in his chair was cut short and he had to be put back to bed and given more pain medicine. tomorrow will be back to his normal schedule as far as his therapy program is concerned. please pray he gets a good nights rest so that his day tomorrow will be as productive as possible. also pray for his attitude, that he will be motivated to work with his therapist. one final prayer request is for his short term memory to improve. right now he really remembers hardly anything from day to day. this continues to make it difficult for him to carry things from day to day that could provide him with some encouragement as far as the progress he is making is concerned.

my family and i continue to be extremely thankful for all of you and all of the comments many of you have posted which have been an encouragement to us going far beyond words.

resting in the reminder of God's promises through a rainbow,

andy mendonsa

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July 16, 2005

Saturday, July 16, 3 PM

unfortuantely, after spending the good part of an hour writing an update, i did something wrong and lost the whole thing. guess i didn't need to send that one. i think i am, at least, tired, and more than a little stressed. i really wasn't aware of being so stressed until i talked with gloria earlier and between the 2 of us we were able to conclude that i am more stressed than i have realized. fighting giants is never easy, but when you exaggerate their size in your mind they have far more power that way than in reality.

i got to see asher thursday afternoon through the time that he went to sleep at around 9 pm. my plans were to come back to chattanooga that night, but there was just no way i could safely do it after being up since 6 am that morning, so i spent the night and came back to chattanooga the next morning.

i haven't had an opportunity to speak to asher today or to even get an update. since they moved him up to the 3rd floor in the spinal unit, but he is still a patient on the 2nd floor of the brain injury unit, which is where they take him to spend the day after he wakes up, it makes it almost impossible to get in touch with gloria until they take asher back up to his room in the evening after supper.

last night asher was really tired. i think putting casts on both his arms now has created some new pain for him in addition to it making it more difficult for him to sleep. he had a lot of visitors both thursday and friday which also tends to tire him out. that is not a bad thing, though. particularly when those visitors are some of his very closest friends, which several of them were. having them visit him has always proved to be his best therapy yet.

please continue to pray for asher's complete healing and that he would be greatly encouraged and hopeful for the outcome in the process. pray that we all get some much needed rest. particularly gloria. she gets the least amount of rest, because she gets the least amount of diversions from her daily routine.

before i close i want to give an update on chris smith, who was in the room next to asher's when asher first came to shepherd. chris has been moved home to be with his wife and daughter. he has shown some improvement. he is opening his eyes more regularly and has even tried to speak, according to his daughter (she is keeping me updated), but has not been able to yet. the fact that he is alive, like asher is a great miracle, and the fact that he is continuing to make progress towards being awake is also miraculous. please continue to pray that God would restore his mind and return him to his family. please continue to pray for his wife and daughter, too.

kelvin, the roommate that asher had when he was moved into a new room about a week ago, has been moved to a hospital in Indianapolis. he is also making progress towards waking up. this move came very suddenly for them, though, and i still don't know the reasons for it, but please continue to pray for them. pray that his mother, would make some friends there who will also be able to be a support to her. indianapolis is really far away from all of their family and friends, so i know that this has to be adding to an already unimaginably stressful situation.

i almost forgot. david norman, the father of one of asher's closest childhood friends, hunter, called me yesterday to say that he has put together a golf benefit for asher. it will be august 28, at Windstone golf course in ooltewah, tn (next to chattanooga. free lunch at 11 am, and tee off at noon. it will be a 4 man select shot tournament. he said if anyone is interested in being a sponsor, or playing, call him: 423-874-0308 or 423-309-5081. bless you david.

continuing thanks to you all for praying for us to be relieved of all fears and anxiety as we continue to journey on in the valley of the shadow of death.

praying for some rest for us all, and thankful that it is on it's way,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 04:16 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

July 14, 2005

The Load lessens/The Load Lessons, July14, 8 AM

sorry that i wasn't able to post an update yesterday. nothing i had hoped to get done really worked out. today is a brand new and promising day, filled with new hopes and possibilities. i guess the utter disbelief of having our wonderful old and very dear oak tree lay down on our very old and wonderful house as it's final resting place has passed pretty quickly. perhaps disbelief isn't quite the word that best describes what i was feeling when i drove up and saw our house for the first time. maybe overwhelmed would be a better way to describe my initial reaction. a feeling that i didn't seem to be able to break out of until sometime yesterday morning when i realized that a significant amounts of rain was still coming into the house even though tarps had been placed over most of the damaged areas of the roof, and that i had to try and find a way, or someone to help me get it stopped before even more interior damage took place.

you wouldn't think making a call like that would have been so difficult, but when you are in a state of being "overwhelmed" it is not so much the difficulty of actually dialing the phone as it is the decision process that leads up to being able to do that.

Fortunately, when i was finally able to dial i called stuart bickley, someone i have known for several years, who is not only a wonderful person, but he is also a great contractor. when i told him what my need was he didn't even hesitate before saying he would be over with a crew to secure the house in order to keep it from getting any more water damage inside. it seemed like as soon as he said that the feelings of being "overwhelmed" melted away. thank you Lord.

before the afternoon was over the house was as secure as it is humanly possible to know, that is, until it rains again, which looks like that could happen any time now. also with stuart's help i was also able to find a contractor that will be able to do the work as soon as the insurance company arrives at a claim settlement. i would have really loved for stuart's company to do the work, but he is scheduled out pretty far with work right now. so, now, it is just a matter of hurrying up and wait. thank you, again, Lord for reminding me that everything happens according to your time and plan and your perfect will, will ultimately be accomplished in all things.

that was a little of what took place at our home, yesterday. what took place yesterday in atlanta with asher was a good day. he and hadrienne made up this new game to play and gloria, as a spectator, really loved getting to watch them play it. basically, the game was for one of them to make up a facial expression and then for the other one to try and copy it. gloria said it was really cute and i think it brought some much needed lightheartedness into, what has turned out to be, some fairly tense days.

i guess my biggest prayer request for asher right now is for depression. depression under these circumstances can be and often is as paralyzing as physical paralysis. and, as you can well imagine, attitude plays a vital role in the recovery process, especially when the injuries have been as critical as the ones that asher has sustained.

when i spoke to gloria a few minutes ago she said that 2 of asher's closest friends, mark and josh, were waiting at the hospital when she got there. she said it was amazing how much asher's attitude changed when he saw them. she said that his whole countenance brightened up immediately. they were able to be with him while he was eating and he was eating better than he had been in days.

that has been, probably, one of the most difficult aspects of being in atlanta, that asher cannot see his friends more regularly. as much as we know he loves us, and we know this because he expresses it to us every single day now, it is still not the same as having your friends around.

we have not told asher about the tree falling on the house, and probably won't at this point. as i have mentioned, he already struggles with believing that he will be able to come back home. part of the problem for asher is that he has no basis for having any kind of a perspective for the improvements in his condition. since he has only been talking now for almost 2 weeks, he really doesn't remember anything before that. so, to him, the way he is now is the way he has always been since his accident. please pray that he will begin to see and understand how much he has really improved, and to appreciate all the many miracles that have taken place in his and our lives since this has happened because of all of your many and continued prayers.

thank so much for continuing to care and to pray. it seems that, daily, that God keeps reminding me that i need to keep up my guard, which is what He says that we are to do all the time anyway.

all praise and thanksgiving to the one from whom all blessings flow,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 08:32 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

July 12, 2005

July 12, 9 PM

asher got to eat a cheeseburger tonight. who knows, maybe taco bell before we know it. they still haven't gotten his menu officially changed over now to solid food, and apparently this takes a doctor's order, but hopefully they will get that done before tomorrow is over. now that asher has gotten to eat solid food there will be no going back to "soup food."

occupational therapy also put a cast on his right arm in order to straighten it out. that was what they gave him the botox injections for. his right arm is the one that has been drawn up tight because of his brain injuries. hopefully this will work to stretch out his muscles. this has to be done before he regains use of it.

when i talked with gloria a few minutes ago she said that asher had had a good day but that he was really tired. i found this out for myself when i spoke to him. he barely wanted to talk to me which has not been his usual response. he has usually be pretty chatty. gloria and hadrienne also sound tired. moving asher to his new room on the third floor has made for increased weariness. please pray that they will get a good nights sleep. they both really need and could use it. asher could use a good nights rest as well. the present arrangement for him to take his naps in a common room with other patients throughout the day is not working for him too well. these rest times are really important for his recovery process.

my day of trying to get something done to begin the process for putting our house back together didn't get very far. chattanooga tree removal did get the rest of the tree cut up and hauled off. they were incredibly nice and they did an excellent job of not only getting the tree hauled off, but of also cleaning everything up around the house.

i have no idea what to expect of tomorrow, but i have a feeling that there will be new challenges to undertake. please pray for wisdom for all the decisions that have to be made for getting our house back together. right now i have to wait on the insurance company to let me know what they decide as far as the claim that they will give to us for repairing all the damage. i won't really be able to go any further until that happens. then once i know how much they will give us then i have to go through the process for getting the work done. if i were able to stay around for all of this i could act as my own contractor and line up the sub-contrators to do the work. since i can't be here all the time i will probably need to find someone that can do this for me or find a general contractor to take care of it for us.

Lord bless you all and thank you for all your prayers for our continuing, and in some ways, growing needs.

a little tired, a little weary, but eternally thankful,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 09:26 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

July 11, 2005

Oak Tree That Fell On Our House at 6:30 AM, July 11

11:30 PM, July 11

I drove back to Chattanooga about 3:30 PM this afternoon, and it took me about 30 minutes to go less than 3 miles between where the Shepherd Spinal Center is on Peachtree Road and the entrance to 75 N off of Northside Drive is located. I was going down Collier road and ran into a road block due to the many trees that had fallen across the road the night before and then detour that took me to Northside Drive was also strewn with fallen trees all along the route.

a bad storm had blown into atlanta and the surrounding area last night and at one point a tornado warning was issued. that meant all the patients at shepherd had to leave their rooms and move to the nurses station to wait for the warning to be reduced to a watch. due to the veracity of the winds and the down pour of rain i wasn't surprised at all by the downed trees i saw as i was leaving atlanta. rather, the surprise came when i pulled up in front of my house and saw the extent of the damage done to our house by the tree that fell on it early this morning.

it actually could have been so much worse. a chimney on the front of the house, that crumbled above the roof line when the tree landed on it, also kept the tree from sinking down any deeper into the house, because below the roof line the chimney remained intact all the way to the dirt floor in the basement below the house. if the chimney had not held the tree up, given it's excessive weight, it would have most likely gone all the way through to the first floor where our house and dog sitter, kayb, was sleeping. we all just have so much to be thankful for, even in the midst of the realization that we are, in a very real sense, homeless. actually, we are beginning to feel more like refugees than homeless people.

part of the reason that we feel that way is that we have experienced yet more temporariness at shepherd's today. again, due to reconstruction, they moved asher, not only to another room for the 3rd time, but to an entirely different floor. his room is now on the third floor, but all of his therapy, as well as meals are still on the second floor. in between therapy sessions, when he is put back to bed for rest, he will now be put into a room on the second floor with 4 other patients who have also been moved up to the third floor. it is really feels kind of like he is in a refugee camp during this part of his day.

gloria, hadrienne and i were discussing this before i left this afternoon to come home and the more we talked about it the more it seemed to be ok. you know, asher is at shepherd because it is one of the best spinal and brain injury hospitals in the country. it is not a hotel, and we are not on vacation. his getting moved around is an inconvenience, i guess, if you want to look at it that way, but it doesn't seem to affect the over all excellent care that he is getting there. so, we really don't have anything to complain about, it's just that things beyond our control have a way of making us think that we can somehow make them better or be able to control them if we will just get a bad attitude about them or complain enough. it is not that i don't have any problems doing my share of complaining or getting very cynical, it is just that with all that we have been through since asher was injured i just don't have the strength or the will power to go very far down that path. i have found that if i will really take the time to find a positive spin on the situation i don't seem to dwell on it any more and can get on to the next obstacle at hand, like our house getting partially destroyed. believe me it is far better to have this happen to your house while you are temporarily not living in it than if you were.

as far as getting the house back in a condition that will make it livable for us to move back into when asher is through with his rehab, there is no way i am going to think about that right now. all i can think about is being back in atlanta with asher, gloria and hadrienne. i pray that i will be able to go back, if only for a day, before too many days go by. asher is communicating better every day and we are learning, sometimes multiple times a day, new things that he is able to say and do. for instance, today i discovered that asher can add, subtract and multipy. that was absolutely amazing to discover. he is also revealing to us that he still has his dry sense of humor about it. humor has always been one of the really enjoyable traits that i have enjoyed about asher since he was really little. before his accident, he could always make us all laugh, seemingly, without even trying, and i can't tell you how wonderful it is that he has started doing it again.

gloria also told me (this happened several days ago when i was out of town, but she just told me today) that asher's vision is now 20/25. i couldn't believe this when she told me, because less than a week ago asher was having a hard time seeing 2 inch letters 2 feet away. they were really blurry. i am just astonished that his vision is now as clear as it was before he was hurt.

the nurse also told us that, because he is communicating so well and able to respond to directions that he is now between a 5 and a 6 on the rancho scale (the scale that measures the level of coma you are in). what is even mor amazing is that he seems to have passed right through level 4 with very few of the characteristic effects from it. this is usually the level that most patients are very angry, frustrated and even violent. they also, quite often, use a great deal of profanity. i am just so thankful that both he and us seem to have been spared these effects.

as i think i mention yesterday, asher had to have his feeding tube replaced today. there were a few feared complications to this procedure that the doctor that performed it was anticipating, but none of them occurred. he was able to take asher's old feeding tube out and put a new one in through a brand new hole that they made in his stomach. one of the things he feared was that the old hole had some infection in it, but as it turned out the old hole was actually in a lot better shape than he thought.

please pray for asher to be able to each solid food soon. like really soon. all he kept saying to me this morning was "taco bell" and "chalupa." i don't mean just a couple of times either. it must have been over 20 times. that was just so heart breaking to have to tell him that he would still have to wait just a little while longer. he is really having an hard time accpeting that, though. he is to the point where he wil hardly even look at his soup-food (what he now calls pureed food) any more.

you know when i think about asher's progess and all of you who have been so faithfull to continue to pray for us, our house getting caved in just doesn't seem that serious. i don't mean to sound flipant about it, but i just continue to remain so thankful to God for not only giving us back our son, but for each day that i get to spend with him since it happened. i am also very thankful for each day that we, as a family, get to spend with him too. gloria and hadrienne are 2 of the most phenominal people i have ever met, and even though i have always known this, it has been as a result of this situation that i have come to fully appreciate that fact rather than to take it for granted in the ways that i tend to do with those i am the closes to and love the most. which really makes me so very sad when i think about it.

Lord bless you all for helping to make, what would be completely unbearable under other circumstances, bearable because of the continue fervency of your prayers.

thankful to be thankful,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 11:19 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

July 11 at 7:45 am

I received a call just before 6:30 am from Andy's Mom, Beverly, saying that a tree had just fallen on Andy and Gloria's house. She was shaken up and I ran down the stairs and out the door not even stopping to put shoes on. Together we called Andy and told him of the news. He is still in Atlanta and we hated to wake him up early when rest is so needed and today would be a full day for him without having to drive home to Chattanooga to survey the damage.
My husband and also my neighbor, Robbie, came to help move Kayb's things out of the closet (she had just finished unpacking last night). The house has some major damage as the tree was one of the largest in St. Elmo. It is amazing how on one side of a wall the tree is down and on the other side a bookcase is untouched and that room looks fine.
Please pray for all the family. It will be more than difficult to have to deal with yet another thing. Beverly cannot get out of her driveway because of the tree.
Pray for Kayb who is staying at the Mendonsa's taking care of the dogs.

Posted by Leda at 08:03 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 10, 2005

July 10, 7:50 PM

sunday's at shepherd spinal center are fairly uneventful, which is not a bad thing. it provides an opportunity for all of us to relax, sort of.

asher is already tired of pureed food. he asked to go to wendys this morning on the way to breakfast. this is the second meal in a row where he has asked for a cheese burger. his nurse said this morning maybe he could be retested to see if he is ready for solid food. i think he probably is, or at least close to it. when he doesn't eat enough at his meals that is when they have to give him supplemental nurtrition through his feeding tube in his stomach. please pray for asher to be able to begin eating solid food, but also, in the meantime to eat what he needs to so that they won't have to feed him through his tube any more and they can go ahead and remove it.

right now, the tube, or peg, he has in his stomach is in need of change. unfortunately the hole in his stomach where the present one is has broken down around the edges, and enlarged, so they are going to have to put in a new hole with a new tube. the tubes they use here are smaller than the ones that hospitals typically use, so they won't need to make as large a hole. it will be yet another scar, though, and he has so many already.

while i am thinking about it, i wanted to make a clarification about something i wrote about yesterday. i shared that asher was able to lift both hands on command several times in a row. i also said that his ability to do this would mean that he would not be classified as a quad. right now, though, even though he has been able to respond in this way, he is still considered to be a quadrapeligic and will continue to be until he is able to move both his arms and his hands in a way that allows them to have some functional use of his arms and hands for himself with them. i hope that makes sense and adds some more clarity to what i said yesterday.

as you can imagine, sometimes the excitement of something new happening with asher also means trying to understand new things about asher's injuries. most of the time i feel pretty lost when it comes to that last part. consequently, i sometimes end up trying to communicate things that i am not totally clear on myself. this is probably one of those instances. i am really sorry for any confusion i caused.

i do, though, fully believe that asher will lose his quad status, and that his ability to be able to lift his hands on command is an amazing step towards that becoming a reality. please pray for asher's patience and understanding in this process. i can sense on a pretty regular basis that, psychologically, asher is very discourged, fearful, and feeling that his condition is pretty hopeless. last night, for instance, he called himself a cripple. we are also still having a difficult time convincing him that we are not going to leave him here. he honestly believes that he is never going home again.

many of these feelings and thoughts that he is having will pass with time, i know, but that thought doesn't bring much comfort to us right now. yesterday, for me personally, i seemed to really get caught up in my mind and heart with all that asher is going through at the stage that he is in right now. and there is so much more to this for me that is still way out there in the feeling range that i am still finding it hard to articulate through either verbal or written words.

yesterday, in chattanooga, the benefit book signing for asher took place at "A Novel Idea" bookstore on frazier ave. the book is a mystery about skate boarders called: "Missing on Lonely Mountain," written by Russell Bean, a local city court judge. my mother was able to go and represent our family since neither myself, gloria nor hadrienne were able to get back to town for it. when i spoke with her about it earlier today she said it was a really wonderful event, especially getting to meet Judge Bean. she has been through some particularly rough times since we brought asher to atlanta 2 weeks ago, including going into antiphylatic shock due to an alergic reaction she had to an antibiotic that had been prescribed for her. the kindness that judge bean showed to her as well as the very caring concern that he both expressed and displayed by having this benefit book book signing for asher, really brought to her an overwhelming sense of comfort. as her son, who is not able to be with her through these times that she has been going through, i just want to express my extreme gratitude to Judge Bean for showing such amazing kindness to my mother as well as the great care and concern that he has shown to me and my family, who he does not even know. Lord bless you Judge Bean. and i also pray the Lord's blessings on karen poole, the owner of "A Novel Idea" bookstore for agreeing to let this booksigning benefit be held in her very wonderful store. i have known karen for a couple of years, but at the time that she agreed to host this event, she had not even made the connection that the person this benefit was for was my son.

i also want to just say, may the Lord continue to bless the city of chattanooga. i have never experienced anything even remotely like the way that this entire city has poured itself out on behalf of our son asher as well as our whole family, from Mayor Littlefield all the way down, across and inside and out. it has humbled us all beyond words and measure. how does one even begin to express thanks or to give back in response to such a show of unconditional love and concern? all i know to do is to just continue to give praise and thanksgiving to God for allowing us to experience what must be His own great love for a city like chattanooga that pours itself out on behalf of others in the ways that we have been so privileged to experience it ourselves.

still in awe of God's amazing grace,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 12:18 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 09, 2005

Another First. July 9, 2 PM

i got back to atlanta yesterday about 3 PM and found gloria, hadrienne and asher altogether in his room. asher had already had a pretty full day by that time and was pretty tired. in fact, soon after i got back, he went to sleep. it was after he went to sleep that gloria shared with me another first. she said that earlier in the day, when asher was with one of his therapists, the therapist had been able to get him to raise both of his hands on command several times in a row. the therapist went on to explained to her that what this meant was that asher would no longer be classified as a quadrapalegic with the ablilty for this kind of voluntary motion in his hands. his hands, we found out are controlled by the C7 vertebrae which is below his C5 injury. which means that coming down from his brain signals are making it down his spinal cord past this injury. i was really speechless when gloria told me this, yet again, news of miraculous proportions. thanksgiving continues to be the order of the day as well as for eternity.

gloria also told me that asher is now officially advanced to the status of being in rehab therapy rather than still having medical care status. when asher first came to shepherd, almost 2 weeks ago, he came as a medical care patient in order to get him ready for rehab therapy. at some point they will be moving him to the spinal rehab unit, but for now he will remain in the acquired brain injury unit. i am honestly not certain what will determine the move.

asher was also able to go downstairs and visit the garden yesterday. the weather finally cleared up enough for him to be able to do that. it was so wonderful to hear all of this great news and to be back with asher. i miss him so much every time i have to be away for a few days to travel back to chattanooga. i think he was as glad to see me as i was to see him. it is so incredible knowing that he knows when any of us are gone from him and that he seems to miss us as much as we miss him.

i have gotten to be with him for most of the day today by myself. gloria and hadrienne had to go out and do some shopping. asher needed a few things and so did hadrienne. while we have been together today we have been down to the secret garden (that's what they call it) and i got to feed him for the first time. he didn't eat too much for me, though, hopefully it was because he wasn't hungry and not because i just wasn't persistent enough. it is still hard for me to believe that he is actually eating 3 meals a day, now and only getting a small supplemental amount of his over all carlorie intake through his feeding tube in his stomach. i honestly don't think that he will have that too much longer either.

asher also had some movement in his legs yesterday. he pulled them together several times when he was sitting in his wheel chair. these are not voluntary movements, though, at least not at this time. this can, and is probably happening as a result of muscle spasms connected with his T5 spinal injury. whatever is causing it, though, at this point doesn't even matter to me. it is just so wonderful to see them move. i know that the commands coming from his brain for the areas along his spine below his thorasic injury will come, it is just a matter of time.

as i mentioned a couple of days ago the young man in the bed next to asher, kel, who is in a coma, is starting to wake up a little bit more. thank you all so much for praying for him. please keep praying for him to not only wake up, but for his brain to be restored to the place that it was before the injuries he sustain in an automobile accident about a month ago. i have to tell you, his mother is an amazing woman. he is so fortunate to have a mother with such great faith and determination for his full recovery. just in the brief conversations that i have been able to have with her since last night, after i got back, i have found that we are also very fortunate to be sharing a room with her and her son for the very same reasons. she also reminds me a lot of one of the widows back in chattanooga who has been a part of the widow's prayer ministry there for quite a number of years. not being able to be with the widows every week has been one of the most difficult things about being in atlanta. kelvin's mother, in an amazing way, though, has truly been a gift from God in filling that hole. of course, she is not aware of that at all, and it is exactly that kind of humilty that makes her all the more endearing.

i also want to say to all of you, again, today that it is because of all of you and your amazing faithfulness to continue to pray for asher and all of my family that i am able to keep these updates coming each day and that we can all continue to rejoice together and to give thanks to God for miraculously continuing to answer our prayers. i truly continue praise God for all of you. thank you so much.

continuing to give thanks to the the giver of all good gifts,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 02:16 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

July 08, 2005

July 8, 8:30 AM

i am on my way back to atlanta in just a little while. when i spoke to gloria last night she told me that the rain had quit and early in the evening she and hadrienne were able to take asher downstairs in the hospital and out into the garden. it seems that ever day there is another "first," for asher. it is extremely difficult to miss even one of them. as i am sitting here writing this, though, thinking about "firsts" has reminded me of each new day itself, that God creates brand new and is always filled with "firsts" from Him for us to both witness as well as be a part of.

many years ago, when i first started the widows ministry, and soon after a widow's prayer ministry was formed, most of whom were african americans, i heard them open their prayers with thanksgiving for the day itself and the privilege of being a part of it: "thank you Lord for waking me up this morning and letting me see a day i have never seen before."

at first (a first that i missed initially), i must confess, that i completely missed the significance of greeting God in this way each morning. to me, since these were all older women, i just wrote off what they were saying as a nice, quaint, traditional african american way to start off a prayer. then it hit me one day, and i was in awe of how profound their words were. what hit me was that every day that God wakes us up (not the alarm, etc) is a brand new creation that is not like any other day that has been created before or will be after. sure, it seems like every other day; the sun comes up, we wake up, get out of bed, hopefully, eat breakfast, go to work or school etc. the reality, though, is that thinking of each day like this is not only to take the day and it's significance for granted, but also the one who created it. God not only creates each new day for us to witness and to be a part of, but to also bring Himself honor and glory in the process.

each brand new day is a day that God has called us to worship Him through by offering sacrifices through both word and deed: the praises of our lips and the deeds that we do unto others (Hebrews 13:15-16). just as i am filled with anticipation for the "firsts" that asher will miraculously be able to do each new day, i also want to be filled with a desire to fullfill those "firsts" that God is filled with great anticipation for me to do as i worship Him by setting myself aside and placing the needs of others ahead of my own selfish desires, and to be able to still offer Him thanks, for all things, in the process.

please continue to pray for asher's healing as well as for God to strengthen his body, restore his mind, and encourage his soul. i would also greatly appreciate your prayers for my trip back to atlanta today.

several things that i would like to give thanks for are the provisions of 2 cars. one for me to drive back and forth to atlanta in for the next several weeks, as well as a car that is being loaned to gloria and hadrienne that is more adequate for their needs while they are in atlanta.

i also want to give thanks for a house and dog sitter. last week when i came home for the skate benefit over the weekend i was contacted by someone who was interested in house sitting and taking care of our pets ( 4 dogs, a cat and 2 fish). we met later that day and very thankfully she decided that all of our animals, especially the dogs, would not be too overwhelming for her to take care of. please pray for her. her name is kayb carpenter and she is a new art professor up at covenant college. she just recently came back from china where she taught art for 2 years.

along these same lines i also want to express thanks beyond words to scott and amy noll who have so faithfully been taking care of our animals since may 24, the day after asher's accident. scott has also taken over helping out with the mission teams that we have been hosting throughout the summer, and he has done an amazing job.

also, we are very greatful to denise porter, joni harber and susan boroughs who have been cleaning our house every week (lost of dog hair with 4 dogs, and yes we are nuts). there have also been a number of men who have been cutting the 5 yards that gloria and i cut every week (we have parents that live on both sides of us now as well as neighbors that have had some grass cutting needs).

finally, i want to also give thanks to all of those who helped sponsor the skateboard benefit competition last week: Ezekiel Clothing, DNA distribution, Eastern Skateboard Supply, Red Bull, Crunk Juice, Krew Clothing,
Coca-Cola, Oakley, Greyfriars, Rib & Loin, McDonalds, Mr. T's, Mojo Burrito, Tennskate.com and, of course, Chattown Skate Park. hopefully no company or business has been left out.

Lord bless and continue to keep you all,

praising God for whom all blessings flow,

andy mendonsa

Posted by Andy Mendonsa at 08:45 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 07, 2005

Out of his Coma! July 7, 9 AM

yesterday gloria and i met with dr bilsky, to get a report on asher's present condition and progress. he told us since asher has been talking and cognitively responding that he is no longer considered to be in a coma. Asher is officially awake! Praise and Thanksgiving!

what we really need to be praying about now is that asher will quickly progress to the point of being able to endure 3 to 4 hours of rehab therapy a day. as soon as he gets to this point they will move him to the spinal injury center (he is in the acquired brain injury unit right now).

please also pray for asher's short term memory to be restored. right now he doesn't remember much from day to day that we can tell. part of that is a blessing, though. he doesn't need to remember some things. pain and certain memories of things that have upset him.

the doctor described what his brian is going through right now, in terms of the injuries to it, like trying to drink a glass of water through a straw that has holes in it. when you suck on it only part of the water will ever make it inside your mouth. the same thing is true if you were to try and blow water through the leaky straw. only a portion of the water would make it out the other end. that is how asher's brain is presently functioning. only a portion of information is able to make it to his brian to be stored which also means that only a portion of what is already stored in his brain will be able to make it out.

the good news is, according to the doctor, this is the best kind of brain injury to have in terms of a good outlook for its restoration. because the injuries are scattered all over the brain, due to the violent shaking that occured when he landed from his fall, this is far better than a specific localized injury to the brain. for instance if a brain is injured by a blunt trauma to the head, like from a baseball bat, the part of the brain that was injured from the blow could destroy the function of a whole section of the brain where it was hit. the chances of that part of the brain ever recovering would be slight or none. so, we are again so thankful to God, even for the kind of brain injuries that asher has sustained.

yesterday was a pretty hard day for asher, which means it had its moments for us as well. in the morning asher became pretty upset by an increased awareness of his condition for not being able to move his arms and legs as well as his ablility to communicate better. he was calling himself stupid and retarded and then he would say that he was going to cry and then he would cry, but he wasn't able to shed tears when he cried and that was really heartbreaking for us to not only see, but to also be helpless to do anything about.

later in the morning we also had another reminder of life's temporariness. a woman we had not me before came into asher's room and told us that the back four rooms in the brain injury unit were about to be remodeled which meant that they were going to have to make new room assignments for several of the patients in the unit. asher was one of those patients. we thought we would have a little while to get ready for the move, but the next thing we knew staff was coming in and moving asher into the room next door to him. this was a really hard psychological adjustment, i think, for all of us. perhaps more so for asher since he has become fully aware of his surroundings.

what this change meant was that asher went from a large corner room by himself with 2 large windows and an electric lift suspended from the ceiling to a room with another patient in it and no window on asher's side of the room. he also has to be lifted now with a manual lift on the ground that has to be rolled to move him from his bed to his chair, which happens multiple times a day. since the space is about half the size of his other room this makes for difficult manuvering, particularly since asher has both brain and spinal injuries. i think, right now, he is the only one in the unit with both. everyone else has brain injuries, only. fortunately, God continues to give us a lot of grace in the coping process with what seems to be never ending change. also, with asher's short term memory loss he may not remember too much about where he was yesterday.

asher's new roommate is still in a deep coma. he was, i believe in an automobile accident. please pray for the Lord to bring him out of his coma and restore his mind. gloria and hadrienne got to meet his mother last night. it turns out that he is from savannah, georgia, which is where i am originally from. i know that moving asher into his room is providential. please pray for his mother, too. she is having to stay some distance away from the hospital now, but will be moving, at some point, to the shepherd apts., where we are staying. she has some transportation needs right now, but gloria has told her that she can help her out with that when she moves into the apartments. it continues to amaze me how God works in and through every situation that he puts us in. nothing happens without reason or purpose, rather the fault always lies with us for being either unable, or unwilling to recognize it because it doesn't happen to be according to the way we want things to go. no matter how great our own needs are, there is always someone else that God wants to put in our path whose needs are even greater. it shames me to think how upset we initially were by the suddeness of being moved out of the room where asher was. it is not that we have not been keenly aware of God's purposes being fulfilled every inch of the way since asher was first injured, it is just that our own need to feel secure, no matter how much what we are trying to hold onto is only an illusion of security (and we even realize that), change continues to make us feel so incredibily vulnerable, and even naked. and our response, unfortunately, is to try and find a source to blame our circumstances on, rather than to give thanks that our hope and security is not in a room (or whatever we are clinging to at the time), but in the provider of that room. and i am finding more and more grace to be able to be thankful for those times when these illusions of security are revealed as only being vapors in our lives that have to dissipate in order for our trust in God and the knowledge of His care and concern for us to be increased. but how painful it is to learn this.

i just spoke with gloria on the phone a few minutes ago to get the latest update on asher this morning. i am actually in chattanooga right now. i drove down yesterday afternoon in order to take care of some business here, both personal as well as widows ministry related. when gloria and hadrienne came to the hospital this morning they found a wonderful surprise. the button that had been put over asher's trach hole had been removed and in another 24 hours his trach hole should be almost completely closed up. what this great news means is that asher will now be able to visit other parts of the hospital including a wonderful outside garden area they have. this is absolutely amazing, and i know that it will be incredibly encouraging to asher to be able to leave the brain injury unit, because based on comments he has made to us since he started talking he has felt like he would never be able to leave that unit. it also means that he will be able to spend time with visitors outside of his hospital room. how incredible is that?

actually, incredible is really too tame a word to be able to express what i am feeling about this happening today. we have only been able to see asher in a hospital bed setting for so long, and even though he has been able to be moved around the brain injury unit in a wheel chair, it is still not the same as being able to take him outside and to be able to have the boundaries of his world (and ours with him) expanded a thousand fold. i am just so filled with thanksgiving i can hardly write, so much so that i think i need wind this down for now.

i do want to add, though, that there are now some pictures posted at the bottom of the page under the heading "skate benefit" from the "pink robots never die" skate benefit competition for asher that took place over the 4th of july weekend.

thank you all more than i will ever be able to express for your continued prayers and concern, support (both financial and volunteering), and sharing this need with others. not a day goes by that i don't find out that others are continuing to find out about this and joining in with their prayers as well. back at the emergency room that night when asher was first brought there and i called my mother to tell her that asher had been critically injured and to please call all the widows and ask them to begin praying, i had no idea what a chain reaction of prayer that would be created as a result. the power behind the prayers of widows has been overlooked and underestimated for so long, and that is why i have devoted the last 20 years of my life to pleading their case, both for their needs as well as for their calling, and yet not once in all those years did i ever imagine that me and my family, especially my son right now, would find ourselves in the kind of position we are in now for needing them to be the prayer catylist that has sparked such an outpouring of prayer and concern from around the world on our behalf. it has truly flattened us all with humility.

rejoicing,

andy mendonsa

RECENT PICTURE OF SOME OF THE WIDOWS
WHO ARE PART OF THE WIDOWS HARVEST PRAYER MINISTRY
IN CHATTANOOGA, TENNESSEE

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July 05, 2005

Back Online, July 5, 9 PM

it is good to be able to send out another update on asher. the server here at Shepherd has been down since i came back on sunday. apparently they switched out servers and some things fell between the cracks. it all seems to be working fine now and i am very thankful.

since asher started talking last friday night he has been able to communicate more and more. he will answer most questions, and he will also ask questions as well as make statements. for instance, he made a tough statement, in the form of a question, for us to hear this morning. he said: "do you know how much it hurts and how hard it is?" he is becoming more and more aware of his situation and not only where he hurts, but also what is not working. although, he has not asked specific questions about specific parts of his body that aren't working, we can tell that he knows. right now asher is considered, and being treated as a quadrapelegic. even though he has some feeling and movement to varying degrees in different regions of his arms/hands and legs/feet he is not able to do anything for himself. this does not mean that he is not expected to ever regain any of their use, it just means that due to both his brain injuries as well as his spinal injuries that it will take a lot of time and therapy to rehabilitate any or all of these areas. most of all, though, it will take all of your continued prayers for his complete recovery, just as it has been all of your prayers that have carried him as far as he has come in such a short time. just one week after coming to shepherd asher looks and acts like a completely different person. it is just absolutely amazing. i can't believe that he is even the same person he was a week ago.

i know that many of you have asked me as well as others if asher is awake now that he is talking. i know that this is very confusing. it was to us and still is in many ways, so i can imagine how confusing this is to many of you. what we have learned since asher was in icu back at erhlanger in chattanooga is that coma's are measured by a scale called the rancho los amigos scale (this is the name of the hospital where it was first developed). they have redefined it recently and now it goes from 0 to 8 with 0 being the lowest. asher was a 2 when he came shepherd and i think that he may be a full 4 right now. if not a 4 then close to it. i am including a web site that you can go to see how the different levels of a coma are rated: www.waiting.com/rancholosamigos.html. hopefully this will help clear up some of the confusion.

something that i forgot to mention in my last update, where i shared with you about the skate benefit competition, was that there was a flyer that had been put out announcing that on this saturday, july 9, between 12 and 2 PM, at A Novel Idea Bookstore, 38 frazier avenue in chattanooga, there will be a benefit book signing with all of the proceeds going to help asher. the name of the book is "Missing On Lonely Mountain," and the author is Russell Bean, who is a city court judge in chattanooga. In a recent interview Judge Bean said that "Missing On Lonely Mountain" is about 3 boys who get lost on a mountain while skateboarding. It's a tale of adventure and intrigue." Judge Bean, who has 2 sons who were both skateboarders and who this story is loosely based, went on to say in this same article that "When the skateboarding park was built downtown, a lot of people complained about it." "Some people," he said, "don't think much of the sport. But i know that there are a lot of good kids who enjoy skateboarding. That's why I wanted to publish this book." Amen Judge Bean.

A signed copy of this book can be purchased this saturday, July 9, between 12 and 2 PM, or it can be ordered online from the bookstore web site: www.itsanovelidea.com.

please keep praying for asher to not be afraid. he has said several times to us over the past few days that he is afraid that we are going to go off and leave him. i can't imagine what it is like for him not to be able to move more than about 10% of his body right now. he needs a lot of grace in his life to be able to cope with the realization of not only what has happened to him, but what his condition is for the present. the other night, while i was alone with him for a while, he asked me to explain what happened to him. up until then (since friday night) he has just said that he didn't want to talk about. this time he was the one that brought it up. so, i explained where he was and how he fell and then what happened to him after that up until the came to sheperd last week. he seemed to handle it all pretty well. he doesn't remember anything up, until now, and he probably won't ever remember any of it. even now, he doesn't remember things from day to day.

gloria, hadrienne and i are doing pretty well adjusting to our new schedule and present living quarters. there is, though, a daily awareness of temporariness. it has had the effect, at least with me, of making me very aware of the temprariness of life itself. we live life like it will last forever, but in reality what we have come to live as living has nothing to do with living at all. i believe, now, more than ever that true living, in God's eyes, is doing for others, and it is only through doing for others that we are able to begin to realize how temporary this life is and how permanent eternity becomes. do unto others as you would have them do unto you, love God with all of your heart mind and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.

asher loves to listen to all kinds of music on the radio, or cd's, throughout the day, but at night, when it is time for him to go to bed and after we have prayers with him, the song that seems to soothe him the most, that he wants us to sing to him, is "jesus loves me." sometimes he wants us to follow that with "amazing grace." what an absolutely incredible way to end our day with him. we are just so thankful.

giving thanks with all of you for all that God continues to do every second of every day, both here in asher's room into all of our lives as well as coming out of asher's room into all of our lives.

continuing to ride on the wave of God's hope,

andy mendonsa

Continue reading "Back Online, July 5, 9 PM"

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July 04, 2005

July 4

Andy called earlier to say that he arrived safely in Atlanta with Hadrienne and they are now with Asher and Gloria. They were able to borrow a car from a friend and do not need one at this time. Andy does not have internet access today but will make a posting as soon as he is able.
Please continue to pray for Asher and the family. Thank you for your consistent prayers.

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July 03, 2005

Chattanooga TimesFreePress/July 3

i just read an article in the chattanooga paper today about the "pink robots never die" skate competition and benefit held over the weekend. it is a really wonderful story. the writer really did a wonderful job of covering the story from asher's friends perspective. if you don't live in chattanooga and can't get a sunday paper you can go to the chattanooga timesfreepress website, and i think for 99 cents, you can read it online. it is on the front page of the sports section on the left side and has been written as a commentary. what a blessing.

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July 3, 8:30 AM

asher is still talking and becoming more aware of his circumstances, but at the same time not completely understanding. as i said yesterday his being able to talk is beyond belief in so many ways and it brings both incredible joy into our lives, but the difficult realization that tough questions are on the way, and have even begun is an ever present reality as well. yesterday, for instance, asher kept asking gloria if he was dead. you can imagine how piercing those words were. asher also expressed fears that we would go off and leave him where he is. i think that really scares him. the other side of that is that on the way back to the skate park yesterday evening for the final part of the skate competition i had a conversation on the phone with asher and before we hung up he told me he loved me. what a gift from God.

earlier in the day i also called asher from the skate park and let some of his closest friends get on the phone with him and talk. he responded to all of them and i think the thrill was mutual for everyone.

the skate benefit competition friday and saturday was truly amazing. there are really no words to describe th blessings that came out of it. so many friends of asher's and ours came out to support both us and the skaters. it was just amazing. even a number of asher's nurses, while he was in icu, came out with their families. the new mayor of chattanooga, ron littlefield was also able to make it to last nights event. i have known and been friends with ron and his wife lanis for almost as many years as we have lived in chattanooga. i believe they are both a great blessing for our city. they certainly have been a great blessing to me and my family.

just from the concessions, alone, for the 2 day skating event, asher's friends raised a little over $2000 yesterday and kevin, the skate park owner says that possibly that figure does not include the entry fee money from the skaters. as soon as i know that figure i will also pass that along. me and my family are just filled with thanksgiving for everyone's efforts in helping to promote this in order to help us out with some of our ongoing financial needs.

hadrienne and i are just about to leave to go back to atlanta, but i did want to let you know how the skating event turned out and how asher was continuing to do. i also want to let you know that we now have someone to house sit for us. what an amazing provision God has made for us in fulfilling this very great need. this will bring more peace to us than words can say.

blessings to you all, you are all a continuous blessing,

feeling caught up in a whirlwind today,

andy mendonsa

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July 02, 2005

July 2, 9 AM, Talking

asher said hello to me on the phone last night and i almost dropped the phone. i probably would have, but i wanted to hear him say more. we actually ended up having our first conversation since he was injured.

last night when i called asher's room, gloria said the nurse was putting him to bed and she wanted me to call her back after she went back to the apartment where she is staying. i asked her, though, if she could hold the phone up to asher's ear so that i could say goodnight to him. as soon as she put the phone to his ear, before i could say anything, he said, "hello," and it was a very clear "hello." he couldn't respond to everything i asked him, and he did not ask me questions, but he was able to respond to several things i asked, with one or two word answers, and he also told me "goodnight." i have just been filled with praise and thanksgiving to God ever since. something inside of me just continues to jump up and down like a little kid who is excited because he got what he wanted for Christmas.

after i told asher goodnight about 4 times (i just wanted to hear him say it to me again and again and again) gloria got back on the phone and i asked her what had happened that day, had they done something different? she said to call her when she got back to the apartment and she would tell me. did that ever seem like an eternity.

it ended up that she called me first. she said that asher had only started talking when she came back to his room around 6 PM. she also found out from his nurse last night that when asher first came to sherperd on monday that they had started giving him a drug to help him come out of his coma. we had heard about this drug, before we came to shepherd, but we didn't know that the had started giving it to him. apparently this is the same medication that is frequently given to either parkinson or alzheimer patients. this is one of those things, i think, that has to be given during a certain window of opportunity. i wish i could tell you more about it, but i only have a vague knowledge of it at this point. i will find out more, though.

gloria said that when she was talking to asher when she was with him earlier that, without any expectation for him answering her back, he answered the question that she asked him, and she said that his enunciation had been perfect. then she asked him if he could understand her and he answered that he could. that, quite understandably, was the beginning of quite a long and amazing discourse between them. at one point she asked about pain, if his neck was hurting. he said yes, so gloria got the nurse in there and she adjusted the position of his neck and then she asked him again if it hurt and he said "no."

as wonderful as it was for her to be able to converse with him there were also some heartbreaking words. at one point he said to her "take me home" and at another time he said he wanted to go upstairs and take a shower. we live in a 2 story house and he always took a shower upstairs every night.

on the scale (it's called the Ranchero scale) that is used to evaluate what level of a coma a person is in, asher has clearly reached number 4. he was a 2 when he first came to shepherd. when people in comas reach number 4 they typically can be a very agitated and abusive. please pray that asher makes it through this stage quickly and with relative calm.

what asher's being able to talk will mean is that we will be able to begin to find out more about what he has been aware since he fell, what he is presently aware of, as well as what is going on in his body as far as pain, feeling and his ability to move. as you can imagine, finding out some of these things, for us is more than a little frightening, so for asher i cannot even fathom the degrees of fear and frustration that he might be struggling with. i know it is all going to be ok, though. with all the miracles that have been occuring ever day for asher, i know that we just need to view this stage, this period, as reaching yet a higher place on the mountain, even though that mountain is the height of mt everest. we will continue to look upwards towards the summitt, full recovery, in the absolute belief that asher will summitt, and that the view from there, on top of the world, will be spectacular.

yesterday was the start of the skate benefit competition for a fund that the owner of the chattown skate park, kevin jones, wanted to get started for asher. along with kevin, several of asher's close friends (who are also skaters) helped to organize and get the word out about it. they all worked incredibly hard and did the most amazing job of putting this all together. about half way through yesterday's competition it started to rain and had to be called off, but the good news is that it will pick back up today at noon today in order to finish up yesterday's scheduled events. tonight, at 6 PM, the second part of the competition will begin. tonights competition will be for best trick. please pray for clear, but cool weather as well as safety. i hope to be able to post some pictures from the competition by the first of the week.

your prayers are continuing to sustain us as well as healing and restoring asher's body. Bless you all!

filled with joy,

andy mendonsa

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