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August 19, 2005
"This is Hell," August 19, 2 PM
one of the last things asher said to me last night before i left him was "this is hell." i think by the time i reached the elevators i was holding back the tears until i could reach my car in the parking garage. i am very thankful that an old and dear friend happened to call me on my way out. calls from him are scarce (calls from me to him are even scarcer). this call, no doubt had God's providence written all over it. the person i am talking about is brother eugene gizzi. just brother gene to those who know him well. i count it an extreme privilege to say that i know him well and have known him well since 1979. brother gene is an alexian brother (religious order), and i met him at the alexian brother's nursing home on signal mountain, near chattanooga, not too long after i had graduated from the university of georgia and moved to chattanooga the first time.
over the years i have come to think of brother gene as my adopted dad and he simlarly considers me to be his adopted son. so, when i heard his voice, not only was it familiar and instantly comforting it also resonated in my soul in a way that could have otherwise only been stirred by the heavenly voice of an angel. but then again, brother gene, in his life long devotion to be a healing presence in the lives of untold numbers of infirmed souls, has always been, from my perspective, more heavenly good than earthly minded. and that is why, i know, that God knew brother gene would be His best servant agent at that particular time to bring me through that moment. what good and gracious gifts our heavenly Father gives right at the moment we need them. as my widows are always reminding me: "God is an on time God." Indeed He is.
after i had shared with brother gene, not as much the difficulty that asher is having as he faces the reality of being a parapalegic, possibly for the rest of his life, but the difficulty i am having as i try and relate to what it must be like for him to be facing this. i can't imagine no matter how hard i try and put myself in his place, no matter how long i try and lie awake at night in bed and hold myself as still as possible, only moving my head, i still know in my head that i can move around and get up whenever i want to.
there were many comforting words that brother gene shared with me, but perhaps the most comforting words were not for me but for asher. his last words were for me to let asher know the very first thing the next morning that brother gene was going to devote every minute of his entire day to praying for asher. sometimes asher seems to find comfort when either we or others share that there are so many who are praying for him not only just in chattanooga, but literally all around the world. other times, though, asher does not respond well to this or, for that matter, anything having to do with faith at all, so i really didn't know what asher's response might be to the message that brother gene wanted me to give to him. i was not certain whether he would even remember who brother gene was.
the first thing i did when i came to the hospital at 7 AM this morning to feed asher was to ask him how he was doing and to tell him about my call from brother gene the night before. first, asher let me know that he was doing pretty good and he thought that he had slept through most of the night. there is really no way of knowing, though, how accurate the last part of his answer was. after that brief exchange i asked him if he remembered who brother gene was. i waited. then the good news came, "yes," he did remember, and he even wanted to know why i was asking. so, i told him about his call last night and that he wanted me to let asher know that he would be praying for him every single minute of the day today. first, asher raised his eyebrows (anyone who knows asher at all knows the raised eyebrow look), then he said, "really," and i said "yes, really." he paused for a minute, cocked his head as if contemplating what i had said, pushed his bottom lip up into his top lip with his chin which caused both lips to be pushed out momentarily, and finally said, "that's pretty cool." which were exactly my thoughts when i heard brother gene tell me that the night before.
brother gene's prayers have truly been felt and realized throughout the day today and even though it is not over yet i am optimistic for the outcome of the rest of it as well. also, please know that asher's statement to me last night describing what he was feeling in no way characterizes the daily progress that asher is making as a result of the therapies he is undergoing throughout each day. based on his most recent medical assessment, given his prognosis for not being able to look forward to living independently without the miraculous occurring, asher is working very hard and has a strong determination to improve himself as much as his injuries will allow, but this does not mean that life as he knows it right now is not a hellish existence, and understandably so.
our continued blessings and thanksgiving to you all for all your prayers. we are so grateful for all of them and we want you to know that we are continuing to be carried through each hour of each day by them. asher's completion date for the therapy program he is in right now is october 4, with an out patient program to follow where we will all be able to live in the same place and bring asher to the shepherd center each day. his insurance benefits right now, though, run out september 7. there are several options that we are pursuing in order to be able to extend our coverage through his entire stay here, so, i guess what i am saying is that we really need prayer for this.
just a quick note on our house. to date, construction, rather reconstruction, has not begun yet, but we are getting really close. i think in another week everything should come together in order for this to start. we are thankful, indeed.
being blessed in the midst of our continuing walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
andy mendonsa
| By Andy Mendonsa | 2:33 PM
