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August 8, 2005
A Fallen Friend, August 7, 10 PM
i almost just don't even know what or how to write about the news that i got today about one of my closest and dearest friends, tommy haymes, that he had a massive coronary around 3 AM this morning and died.
tommy and i met, well, so long ago i don't exactly remember when it was, but i will never forget where it was. a few weeks before we met i had gotten a call from a man named alfred johnson, who turned out to be the pastor of the church of the first born in chattanooga. alfred, who has become one of my heros of the faith in chattanooga, said that he wanted to learn more about widows ministry and asked me to come by his church and meet with him to discuss it. up until that point i had never had a pastor actually contact me and make such a request. in fact, it would be many more years after that before another pastor would approach me with the same request. care and concern for widows, i have learned over the years is, unfortunately, not a burning issue with most pastors and churches in america today.
when i finally was able to get with alfred to meet with him and share with him about the widows ministry, there was another man with him in his office and it turned out to be tommy haymes. it also turn out, i was to soon learn, that tommy was actually the one to get alfred to set up the meeting between all of us. tommy shared with me that day that he had been praying and asking God to show him who was the closest group of people to His heart, because he wanted to be close to those who were close to God, especially for their prayers. what he was truly convinced (as i have been for many years as well) that God revealed to him was that the widows and the fatherless are the two groups of people on earth that God makes special provisions for their care from almost the very beginning of the Bible to the very end. in fact, in james 1:27 God even says that the care of the widow and the fatherless is considered by Him to be "pure and undefiled worship." and from a christian perspective, the widow and the fatherless actually represents to us what we believe that jesus did on our behalf by the giving of His own life for us, and by our acceptance of that, He said that He would not leave us as orphans, and we also know that He has not left us as widows either, because in the NT it is clearly presented to us that as His church, we are considered by Him to be His bride. according to early jewish traditions, to be betrothed is the same as already being married, but the husband and wife do not live in a marriage relationship until after the wedding ceremony.
up until that meeting with tommy i had never met another man that understood the centrality of caring for the widow and the fatherless in worship, not because it was important to him, but because he realized that according to the Bible it was important to God. Even today, almost 20 years of being in a widows ministry, i still have not found very many christian men that understand the importance of caring for the widows and the fatherless the way that tommy did. when he first shared his understanding of this with me i immediately knew that i was with a person who had gone through great difficulties and struggles in his life and as a result had been able to see beyond the cultural entrapments that have prevented much of the church today from being able to know and truly understand what is really important to God: justice and mercy and the ways that both of these two areas, when combined, are meant to insure the perpetual care of the widow and the fatherless throughout the ages. and yet, this historical lesson, beginning with israel, and continuing with every society and culture right up until today, has brought about it's own desolation and destruction, for something that is as simple as it is profound, and that is for not caring for the widows and the fatherless by insuring that they are relieved of their distressful predicaments and insured of receiving both the justice and mercy that God has mandated to be their due.
quite honestly, tommy may have been the only person that i have ever met that understood not only the necessity for fulling this mandate, but he equally understood the consequences for not.
i have found myself crying at almost every turn and juncture today as the realization that tommy is really gone and the many questions that keep popping into my head throughout the day and into the night that i want to ask him, or things that i want to tell him and i can't. tommy had been the chairman of the widow ministry (widow harvest) board for at least 5 years or more and just yesterday i had spoken with him at least 2 if not 3 times about matters pertaining to the ministry. since asher's accident, tommy has always been there for me and my family as well as the widows minstry. he immediately stepped in and began to help relieve me of the many duties and responsibilities that i have with the ministry, even though he was busier than any 5 people combined that i know. in fact, yesterday, one of the reasons that tommy and i were in contact so much was that he was helping to work on a grant proposal for the ministry. we were also talking about a trip at the end of october that the widows ministry was supposed to make to kenya for the purpose of bringing pastors and widows from all over africa together with our director of widows harvest africa, joshua atieno, who is a kenyan pastor that lives near kisumu, in order to teach on both the necessity of the church to care for widows as an absolute biblical priority and for widows to begin to recognize and understand
their positions before God in the ways that He has that He has mandated for them to pray.
the reason that this trip was planned in the first place was because Joshua's widows in his church, who have one of the most powerful prayer ministries i have ever known about, began to tell him that they felt they needed me to come to be with them and to pray with them. he said that a number of them had even had dreams of me coming there. until joshua told me that i had never had any plans or desires on my heart to travel to africa, even though i have felt for a long time that, perhaps, the greatest prayer resource on the face of the earth lies, first, with widows, and among all of the widows of the world, africa's widows represent the purest vein of gold of all.
after joshua shared with me what the widows had asked him to (and he was very hesitant to do this, because he did not think i would come) i began to seriously consider going, and in my consideration I included much prayer. when i finally felt that going to be with joshua's widows was what i needed to do, and my daughter hadrienne had also expressed a desire to join me, it was amazing that even before i tried to raise any money to cover my traveling expenses money was donated for me to go. that only further confirmed to me that i should go. i didn't feel, though, that this trip should be about me. if i was going it needed to include others who shared a similar burden and vision for spreading the word about the necessity for caring for widows as well as for promoting among widows their very special and invaluable call to pray.
as i shared this with tommy and asked him to consider going to africa, or i should say returning to africa, he almost jumped at the opportunity. he had been to joshua's church as our ministry representative along with cecil gravitt, who is also on our board and the pastor of grace community church. earlier in 2004, cecil's church had raised enough money to build a church building for joshua and his widows and this trip was for the purpose of dedicating the church. so cecil and several of the men in his church went over to particpate in this.
after asher was injured, tommy not only became an invaluable source of help in the ministry, but he also took over, for me, the organizing and leading of this trip to kenya scheduled for the end of october. tommy was really excited about making this trip, particularly after we received an email from joshua recently telling us that he had been in contact with the senator from his area to let him know what was going to take place and the senator became very enthusiastic about it and expressed a desire to support his efforts, because of his own great concern for the plight of widows in his area.
please pray that this conference will go on. i do not know who will lead it from widows harvest, or how it will come off in kenya, but i believe it must take place, now, more than ever. the suffering of widows can no longer be ignored, their suffering must be brought to the forefront of the church as well as the world's attention as, perhaps, the most neglected, forgotten and suffering group of people on the face of the earth today.
visitation at the funeral home with tommy's dear wife, wilma, their children and grandchildren will be tomorrow from 5 to 8 at Love Funeral Home, 1402 N Thornton Ave, dalton, georgia and the funeral will be tuesday, july 9, 11 AM at the Evangelical Methodist Church, also in dalton, 1035 abutment Rd. Lord willing i will be there. please pray for his family.
devastating circumstances appears to continue to be an ongoing part of life for me and my family. when i first heard the news about tommy today, it literally took my breath away. i am breathing better tonight, but the tears are still flowing. thank you, again, for your desperately needed prayers. i cannot imagine what things would be like for me right now if your prayers were not with me and my family tonight. i just truly thank the Lord for his giving to me a friend like tommy. there are friends and then their are eternal friends. thank you Lord for blessing me with such an amazing eternal friend. i know that if it were not for you Lord I would miss him more than i could bear, but even with you, right now, it seems like it is already almost that much.
trying to live within the worries of the day,
andy mendonsa
| By Andy Mendonsa | 12:18 AM
