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December 30, 2006
In Memory of Hadrienne, Today, She Would Have Been 21.
A Favorite Picture of Mine of Hadrienne (it is my desk top background)
Mark Stewart (kneeling), Asher (His first visit since her funeral), Gloria, Putting a Wreath on Hadrienne's Tombstone
Hadrienne's Tombstone (black granite from Africa), Around the Edge is a Quote by Hermann Hesse
The last book Hadrienne was reading, before she was tragically killed by a wreckless driver, was “I dreamed of Africa” by Kuki Gallman. I had found a first edition copy in a used book and comic book store near Decatur, Georgia (near the intersection of North Druid Hills road and Clairmont). For a number of years I tried to get Hadrienne to watch the movie, based on this book, but she had heard that it was too sad and would never watch it.
Unfortunately, I will never know why she decided to read this book at this time. The last time I saw her was in the parking garage of the apartment building where our family was staying on 14th street near Piedmont Park in Atlanta. This was the place we were living while Asher was recovering from the catastrophic injuries he sustained after falling 4 stories inside of an abandoned building on May 23, 2005.
I walked my daughter and her best friend Skye Webb to my daughter’s car, not having the slightest suspicion that, although this would not be the last time I would speak to her, it would be the last time I set eyes on her in a conscious state.
When Hadrienne left Atlanta, returning to Chattanooga, she went with 2 goals in mind. One was to register for the next semester at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, where she would have been a first semester Sophomore, majoring in Biology, and the other was to find a place to live.
During the week while she was in Chattanooga she stayed with her Grandma Jackson, who had been living next door to us for almost 4 years. Hadrienne’s step-Granddaddy, Dick, had recently entered a nursing home due his suffering from a very advanced case of Parkinson’s disease. He has since passed away.
Grandma Jackson had asked her to consider moving in with her and Hadrienne was considering this and spending this week with her was her way of testing the waters, so to speak.
Some number of days, that might have been weeks, or perhaps, even months, after Hadrienne was killed in an automobile accident, I found the copy I had given her of “I dreamed of Africa” among other things she had brought with her that week to Chattanooga and were still at her Grandmas house.
Maybe I should not have been surprised to find a book mark, indicating to me that she had not only begun to read this book but that she was already on the 13th chapter. From everything I could tell, Hadrienne’s last week on this earth was busy, very busy. So, I was somewhat surprised to find that she had also found the time to read.
Among Hadrienne’s dreams was Africa. A little over 2 weeks before she was supposed to have traveled to Africa with me, but due to my son, Asher’s, critical injuries this trip had to be postponed. As I opened the book to see what page the cellophane wrapper she had place between 2 pages to mark her place, the quote, which she may or may not have read, certainly, definitely, was her heart, and was so quickly fulfilled, but not in any manner that she would have dreamed at that time, and certainly not in a manner that has been bearable for me, for her mother and her brother and many adoring other family and friends.
Chapter 13, “Kuti,” under this title is a poem, or only part of a poem, I can’t tell. It is first written in German, the original language of its author, Hermann Hesse, from a body of published “poems” in 1902. The translation into English for this quote by Hesse appears at the bottom of this page, seemingly as a footnote. A footnote, perhaps, in the context of the larger body of this particular work, but in terms of Hadrienne’s life, and especially in terms of her horribly tragic death, this quote, these 4 brief lines, more accurately, more profoundly than anything I can think or imagine captures and has now even fulfilled all that was the heartbeat of Hadrienne’s mind’s eye, and for what must have seemed a far far distant dream to be realized by her at the time of her life’s end, at the moment of her eternities beginning, where she must have tried to imagine where her home must be, now she knows for certain that is where it was all along, and if nothing else occurs to us by her passing it should be the certainty that is where our home lies as well. And the home that we are all ultimately trying to get to.
“Across the sky the clouds move,
Across the fields, the wind,
…Across the mountains, far away
My home must be.”
Hermann Hesse, Poems (1902)
Blessings and Thanksgiving,
andy
| By andym | 07:33 PM
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Comments
Your family is in my heart. Ever since I read your story about your family, I have been gripped by your faith and your heartbreak and your realness if I can call it that. Thank you for sharing your pain and grief and also your joy and your life. You write with such beauty and clarity.
All of my prayers go out to you and your family.
Posted by: Amy at January 6, 2007 10:45 PM
Hey Andy. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the update.
I have one at deanarnoldsblog.com
Posted by: dean Arnold at January 8, 2007 08:05 PM
To the Mendosa Family,
As a parent of a spinal cord injury child I had the privledge of coming to the hospital and praying for Asher in the early days of his accident. Since then I have watched your site and read your updates. As a Christian my heart grieves for what your family has walked through. Facing a divorce in the coming weeks I grieve for what the Lord has asked of me too. I have read the Bible through, twice, but just the other day I found this verse. It has been a balm to my soul. I Corinthians 7:17: Let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God has called you. I pray that others see a light in your life even in the midst of your own personal darkness. In the midst of tragedy you have held firm to your faith, even as your tears must fall in the quiet of the night. As I look at your web-sit today I see that not many are posting. I wanted you to know that though life does go on, your impact in Chattanooga will have eternal impact on many lives. The day to day is hard, but the rewards will be great when you stand one day before Jesus. May God continue to bless you with insight, wisdom, love and understanding as you minister to others. May His compassion be new to you each morning. J.
Posted by: Janis at March 10, 2007 09:03 AM
