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August 08, 2005
A Fallen Friend, August 7, 10 PM
i almost just don't even know what or how to write about the news that i got today about one of my closest and dearest friends, tommy haymes, that he had a massive coronary around 3 AM this morning and died.
tommy and i met, well, so long ago i don't exactly remember when it was, but i will never forget where it was. a few weeks before we met i had gotten a call from a man named alfred johnson, who turned out to be the pastor of the church of the first born in chattanooga. alfred, who has become one of my heros of the faith in chattanooga, said that he wanted to learn more about widows ministry and asked me to come by his church and meet with him to discuss it. up until that point i had never had a pastor actually contact me and make such a request. in fact, it would be many more years after that before another pastor would approach me with the same request. care and concern for widows, i have learned over the years is, unfortunately, not a burning issue with most pastors and churches in america today.
when i finally was able to get with alfred to meet with him and share with him about the widows ministry, there was another man with him in his office and it turned out to be tommy haymes. it also turn out, i was to soon learn, that tommy was actually the one to get alfred to set up the meeting between all of us. tommy shared with me that day that he had been praying and asking God to show him who was the closest group of people to His heart, because he wanted to be close to those who were close to God, especially for their prayers. what he was truly convinced (as i have been for many years as well) that God revealed to him was that the widows and the fatherless are the two groups of people on earth that God makes special provisions for their care from almost the very beginning of the Bible to the very end. in fact, in james 1:27 God even says that the care of the widow and the fatherless is considered by Him to be "pure and undefiled worship." and from a christian perspective, the widow and the fatherless actually represents to us what we believe that jesus did on our behalf by the giving of His own life for us, and by our acceptance of that, He said that He would not leave us as orphans, and we also know that He has not left us as widows either, because in the NT it is clearly presented to us that as His church, we are considered by Him to be His bride. according to early jewish traditions, to be betrothed is the same as already being married, but the husband and wife do not live in a marriage relationship until after the wedding ceremony.
up until that meeting with tommy i had never met another man that understood the centrality of caring for the widow and the fatherless in worship, not because it was important to him, but because he realized that according to the Bible it was important to God. Even today, almost 20 years of being in a widows ministry, i still have not found very many christian men that understand the importance of caring for the widows and the fatherless the way that tommy did. when he first shared his understanding of this with me i immediately knew that i was with a person who had gone through great difficulties and struggles in his life and as a result had been able to see beyond the cultural entrapments that have prevented much of the church today from being able to know and truly understand what is really important to God: justice and mercy and the ways that both of these two areas, when combined, are meant to insure the perpetual care of the widow and the fatherless throughout the ages. and yet, this historical lesson, beginning with israel, and continuing with every society and culture right up until today, has brought about it's own desolation and destruction, for something that is as simple as it is profound, and that is for not caring for the widows and the fatherless by insuring that they are relieved of their distressful predicaments and insured of receiving both the justice and mercy that God has mandated to be their due.
quite honestly, tommy may have been the only person that i have ever met that understood not only the necessity for fulling this mandate, but he equally understood the consequences for not.
i have found myself crying at almost every turn and juncture today as the realization that tommy is really gone and the many questions that keep popping into my head throughout the day and into the night that i want to ask him, or things that i want to tell him and i can't. tommy had been the chairman of the widow ministry (widow harvest) board for at least 5 years or more and just yesterday i had spoken with him at least 2 if not 3 times about matters pertaining to the ministry. since asher's accident, tommy has always been there for me and my family as well as the widows minstry. he immediately stepped in and began to help relieve me of the many duties and responsibilities that i have with the ministry, even though he was busier than any 5 people combined that i know. in fact, yesterday, one of the reasons that tommy and i were in contact so much was that he was helping to work on a grant proposal for the ministry. we were also talking about a trip at the end of october that the widows ministry was supposed to make to kenya for the purpose of bringing pastors and widows from all over africa together with our director of widows harvest africa, joshua atieno, who is a kenyan pastor that lives near kisumu, in order to teach on both the necessity of the church to care for widows as an absolute biblical priority and for widows to begin to recognize and understand
their positions before God in the ways that He has that He has mandated for them to pray.
the reason that this trip was planned in the first place was because Joshua's widows in his church, who have one of the most powerful prayer ministries i have ever known about, began to tell him that they felt they needed me to come to be with them and to pray with them. he said that a number of them had even had dreams of me coming there. until joshua told me that i had never had any plans or desires on my heart to travel to africa, even though i have felt for a long time that, perhaps, the greatest prayer resource on the face of the earth lies, first, with widows, and among all of the widows of the world, africa's widows represent the purest vein of gold of all.
after joshua shared with me what the widows had asked him to (and he was very hesitant to do this, because he did not think i would come) i began to seriously consider going, and in my consideration I included much prayer. when i finally felt that going to be with joshua's widows was what i needed to do, and my daughter hadrienne had also expressed a desire to join me, it was amazing that even before i tried to raise any money to cover my traveling expenses money was donated for me to go. that only further confirmed to me that i should go. i didn't feel, though, that this trip should be about me. if i was going it needed to include others who shared a similar burden and vision for spreading the word about the necessity for caring for widows as well as for promoting among widows their very special and invaluable call to pray.
as i shared this with tommy and asked him to consider going to africa, or i should say returning to africa, he almost jumped at the opportunity. he had been to joshua's church as our ministry representative along with cecil gravitt, who is also on our board and the pastor of grace community church. earlier in 2004, cecil's church had raised enough money to build a church building for joshua and his widows and this trip was for the purpose of dedicating the church. so cecil and several of the men in his church went over to particpate in this.
after asher was injured, tommy not only became an invaluable source of help in the ministry, but he also took over, for me, the organizing and leading of this trip to kenya scheduled for the end of october. tommy was really excited about making this trip, particularly after we received an email from joshua recently telling us that he had been in contact with the senator from his area to let him know what was going to take place and the senator became very enthusiastic about it and expressed a desire to support his efforts, because of his own great concern for the plight of widows in his area.
please pray that this conference will go on. i do not know who will lead it from widows harvest, or how it will come off in kenya, but i believe it must take place, now, more than ever. the suffering of widows can no longer be ignored, their suffering must be brought to the forefront of the church as well as the world's attention as, perhaps, the most neglected, forgotten and suffering group of people on the face of the earth today.
visitation at the funeral home with tommy's dear wife, wilma, their children and grandchildren will be tomorrow from 5 to 8 at Love Funeral Home, 1402 N Thornton Ave, dalton, georgia and the funeral will be tuesday, july 9, 11 AM at the Evangelical Methodist Church, also in dalton, 1035 abutment Rd. Lord willing i will be there. please pray for his family.
devastating circumstances appears to continue to be an ongoing part of life for me and my family. when i first heard the news about tommy today, it literally took my breath away. i am breathing better tonight, but the tears are still flowing. thank you, again, for your desperately needed prayers. i cannot imagine what things would be like for me right now if your prayers were not with me and my family tonight. i just truly thank the Lord for his giving to me a friend like tommy. there are friends and then their are eternal friends. thank you Lord for blessing me with such an amazing eternal friend. i know that if it were not for you Lord I would miss him more than i could bear, but even with you, right now, it seems like it is already almost that much.
trying to live within the worries of the day,
andy mendonsa
| By Andy Mendonsa | 12:18 AM
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Comments
reading your update with tears in the hours between the death of newscaster Jennings and the scheduled return of the discovery shuttle, i'm vividly reminded that GOD alone knows our tomorrows. sometimes today is almost too much to bear, but GOD has promised ETERNITY with HIM and rewards beyond imagination for those whom HE loves.
GOD help us be thankful in all things and ready to meet you face-to-face.
tomorrow comes quickly.
Posted by: grace at August 8, 2005 02:11 AM
Andy,
As always my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...God Bless you thru these trials and tribulations.
Posted by: kim from cleveland at August 8, 2005 07:30 AM
Having known Tommy only a short while it was clear to myself and bill that he truly knew right where the Lord would have him be. We know that the angels rejoice and the heavens sing, but here our hearts ace and our tears flow. All we can do is continue to focus on Him who is able to work all thing for His glory. Our prayers are with you, your family, and all those touched by Tommy - and I'm confident the numbers are great.
Michael
Widows Watchman Ministries
Posted by: Widows Watchman Ministries at August 8, 2005 09:48 PM
A man long absent
comes home safe from afar.
His kin, his friends, his companions,
delight in his return.
In just the same way,
when you've done good
& gone from this world
to the world beyond,
your good deeds receive you--
as kin, someone dear
come home.
Posted by: just-a-thought at August 9, 2005 08:27 PM
I am reminded of Paul and his travails and of Job; oh, Job, the man of so many sorrows and so misunderstood by his friends. Satan rails against those who seek and persevere in God's way, and satan seeks to sift them and devour them, but the Lord is our strong and ever present help in this and every time of need. To live is Christ and to die is gain! Lord Jesus, we pray Your covering and the peace that only You can bring to Tommy's family and to Andy. Amen.
Posted by: Martin at August 9, 2005 09:20 PM
Andy,
A true friend is a real treasure and a rare find.
I am very sorry for your loss.
God's Peace, Lynn
Posted by: Lynn at August 12, 2005 08:35 AM
"a righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."
Ps. 34:19
We are praying for you. -The Williams
Posted by: tacy williams at August 15, 2005 12:14 AM
A pastor recently told me, "So, you want to do ministry huh? Prepare to be broken." Well, broken and more broken I am becoming, being taught to stay on my knees and proverbially not get up. Your struggle, your faithfulness reveals to me the light at the end of the tunnel. I also recently talked to a friend that had turned away from God and basically said, "I have noone to point me to, remind me of the cross." That's bull. But then, we can't get on our knees of our own power.
One last thought in regards to ministry, a doctor once told me upon my return from a frustrating trip to Mexico that seemingly went awry, "Well, you never know how a handshake on the street could have been the beginning of a church."
I think Satan's in way over his head when he pulls little stunts to throw God's huge work off track.
amen!
Posted by: Evan Williams at August 16, 2005 12:01 PM
